What To Do When You Catch Yourself Speaking Negatively Toward Your Child

By Kim Newing

You are a nightmare!

This been my catch cry a lot lately. I’m embarrassed to admit this, but it’s true. For the last little while, I have spat this statement towards my teething, clingy, rise-for-the-day-at-4.30am, 18-month-old daughter.

It’s been my throwaway line when I’m frustrated.

It’s been my way to blow off steam and an unconscious attempt to diffuse the tense energy between us.

Today was a particularly frustrating day. Her whining at an all time high and her unwillingness to leave my side had me deep breathing through profanities for the morning.

While she napped I decided to plug in a podcast about money blocks (as you do). In this episode the woman was using hypnotic techniques to help her client regress to childhood. There, in her mind’s eye, she recounted the awful things that had been done and said that still affected her today.

As the woman recalled the hurtful comments and behaviours she’d heard as a little girl, I had my own words ringing in my ears.

You. Are. A. Nightmare.

It took my breath away, like I’d been punched in the stomach.

I have studied human behaviour directly for over 12 years. I have spent most of my 30s understanding how our beliefs are programmed in between ages 0-7.

I deeply understand how the words we choose affect how we show up in the world. And here I was imprinting an unspeakable belief upon my own innocent child .

It’s OK, I’ve owned it and I’m not beating myself up. I’m human, humans do silly stuff when under pressure. I am wise enough to catch undesirable behaviours and choose to shift them.

What’s not OK however, is that this precious little girl has been informing who she is based on thoughtless and hurtful comments from her mother.

We become that which we believe.

How else would someone behave who has often been referred to as a nightmare?!

Beliefs are self fulfilling prophecies. 

They are THAT powerful.

And this is my line of work. Every week I am helping women uncover the beliefs that don’t serve them, aren’t theirs and block their ability to find joy.

I had to do something, immediately.

Now do you want to hear some magic? Witness how powerful this kind of work really is?

First I made a commitment. To myself. I said out loud. “This stops here. No more statements that are a negative judgment on Harper’s character.”

I closed my eyes for a moment, placed my hand on my heart and consciously opened it.

Then I took her in my arms, studied that precious little face, looked her in the eyes and sincerely apologized.

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