When it comes to managing your mental health, it’s great to have a few tools in your kit, because the fact is we all experience periods of negative self-talk. This can be particularly heightened when we are tired and feeling anxious, regardless of whether we have an unsettled baby or not.
When we are faced with a challenging situation, our brains work overtime trying to find a solution, spitting out all sort of ideas and thoughts – some of which are helpful and some that are not. If you are finding that your negative self-talk is consuming you, try to replacing your negative thoughts with positive ones. If this seems to hard you can try cultivating gratitude when you have these thoughts. For example telling yourself, ‘I am really tired, but I have a baby who I love and I have some lovely days, I will get through this challenging time’.
Sometimes these techniques are not enough and you may still feel anxious. The struggle to eliminate all negative thoughts can interfere with your ability to go back to sleep when woken, and put a black cloud over your days. Changing your relationship with your negative thoughts instead of trying to stop them is vital, so that they eventually have less impact over your life.
The best way to change your relationship with your negative or distressing thoughts and feelings is to practice mindfulness. To be mindful is to pay attention and be aware and curious of the moment that you are in. There are an abundance of books and courses out there to help you develop this skill. But before you can start practicing mindfulness, you need to know what your parenting values are.
Your parenting values are completely individual to you and might be things like having fun with your children or being relaxed. It’s these values that will guide you through the tough times.
A little mantra I find helpful when I’m feeling overwhelmed is to ‘parent to my values not my problems’. It is this kind of approach that is going to help you get through the tough times and still manage to be aware of and enjoy those little pleasures with your baby throughout your day.
When you find that your negative self-talk starts up, don’t fight these thoughts. Instead take them for what they are and put them to the side. Try not to spend time thinking about them but focus on bringing yourself into the moment and being aware of what is happening now and enjoying it!
Elspeth Witton is a registered nurse, specialising in infant-maternal sleeping, feeding and emotional needs. She is co-founder of The Baby Sleep Practitioners.
