Pregnancy loss: A personal story

By Jamie Pike

I want to share my story with you and the world.

After my fourth pregnancy was high risk, and I was on bed rest for 18 weeks, my husband and I felt it was best to have my tubes tied. We have four healthy, gorgeous and vivacious children.

Well, last month we learned I am pregnant! It hasn’t even been 3 years since my procedure. The statistics are that only 1% of women will get pregnant after this.We were so excited about our miracle fifth child and named her right away: Jupiter Pike.

Last week I went to the ER bleeding, very scared for Jupiter’s life. I was given no definitive answers, only that I might miscarry. For the next week I went through three different providers until I got the answers I wanted, needed, and this baby deserved.

After an ultrasound yesterday morning, we learned the baby had attached to my ovary. She couldn’t get to my uterus because my tubes are supposedly tied. This is medically called, ectopic, “out of place”. My doctor was empathetic and remorseful. She said I’m at a high risk for rupture, which causes a lot of internal bleeding and can be fatal for the mother…that’s me! She recommended a chemotherapy drug, called methotrexate, to “dissolve” my baby.

That evening, after my husband came home from work, we immediately went back to the ER so I could get this treatment. I cried all the way there, in the ER lobby, and more at other times. At a moment before the nurse came over to administer the two shots, I flipped out. I wanted to get out of there and run. I felt like I was killing this life inside of me. It was excruciating, emotional trauma.

The two shots in the butt didn’t physically hurt, but my heart sure did. We hobbled out of the same hospital we had our first son in, almost 8 years ago. Today, we walked out with a piece of our hearts missing, and a baby in heaven.

I’ve documented my journey, through live Facebook videos. The outpouring of love, prayers, meals, babysitters, and even a woman I’ve never met before cleaned our house! She made homemade chocolate cake with buttercream frosting and delicious meatballs!

Today a woman is babysitting and feeding our kids for six and a half hours, so my husband and I can grieve.

I want to share this traumatic, yet beautiful story with everyone. Women suffer miscarriage, ectopic, infertility, still born, loss of babies…in silence, MOST of the time.

I’m here to say you’re not alone. Ask for help. Your community, whether you think they are there or not, will show up on your doorstep with cake and hugs.

Don’t do this alone.

May our Jupiter be a voice for all the babies in heaven, who dance with Jesus.

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