Remembering

by Nikki Veliz Merzliakov

It wasn’t until the physiotherapist started pressing on my psoas muscle, that I realised I’d been blocking the trauma from Sol’s birth two years ago.

It was an amazing labour. I’d actually booked myself into an osteopath for some ‘niggling’ back pain when I was past my due date. Only to find out that I was in labour!

I had a beautiful doula for support. My husband was with me the entire time. And I had my breathing techniques down pat – your breath IS powerful!

And so with some almond oil mixed with essential oils, an amethyst crystal and a comb to hold onto acupressure points (yup!), I birthed Sol without any interventions or drugs. As I’d envisioned.

But once he was out, I noticed a room full of nurses and doctors. A code blue had been called on my baby Sol. Although I was still in the delirium of my labour, I felt fear swamp my body. As an ex-nurse, I knew ‘too much’. Sol was being checked over.

Was he breathing yet?

I yelled at my husband not to leave him.

My beautiful, intuitive doula was holding my hand. Reassuring me that he wasn’t going anywhere. And that skin to skin contact, something that I knew needed to happen quickly, (and wanted desperately after almost 42 weeks of being pregnant!), would happen.

But then I realised doctors and nurses were also swirling around me. Or more accurately, my vagina. There was blood. And A LOT of it.

To decide if I needed emergency surgery, my abdomen was pushed down on. HARD. Repeatedly.

This was waaaaaaaay worse than any of my labour pains. This pain did NOT. FEEL. RIGHT.

And so when my physiotherapist was trying to release my psoas, it ALL.CAME. BACK. No wonder I pushed his hand away without thinking. This pain was very real. Sure my psoas muscle was tight. But my womb space was still in protection mode two years on from Sol’s arrival on earth.

My daughter Maya tells me her and Sol came from the stars. She’s so right about so many things. I love that she shares her Truth with me.

I hadn’t even realised how violated my womb must’ve been for so long. From the terror of wondering if I was bleeding out, and if I’d be alive to raise my children. To the trauma of seeing and hearing the hospital staff checking my newborn boy for signs of life.

I feel so much appreciation for being alive at this time. To be able to raise Maya and Sol. Yes! Without question. But especially now. When women all around the Earth are reclaiming their Power. Reconnecting with all of who they are.

And so the session with the physiotherapist was another nudge by the Universe. To release what happened in my past. So that I could reconnect with my womb space. And reclaim my full power as a mother, and as a woman.


Nikki Veliz, Nurse & Preventive Health Specialist meets Ancient Wisdom. Nikki helps mamas increase their energy, sleep better, & embrace their light. Get your free copy of her 3 Quick Tips Guaranteed To Make You Feel Good Now.

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