Why Having Two Children is Harder Than You Think And Why That’s OK

“They” say having a second child is easy; like adding another element of an already prepared dish; the garnish. In reality, this is untrue. Having a second child can be like adding the completed dish on top of the garnish; slopping it over the side of the bowl, soiling the table and drowning the garnish in the process. You are one person caring for two small beings who want and need 100 per cent of you. I can’t speak for those who have more than two children as it is something I am yet to experience for myself. It’s hard. I thought having my first child was the hardest thing I’ve ever done but having two children has well and truly replaced this title.

The absolute truth though is that beyond these sticky, tricky, unimaginable moments are the most pure and beautiful that I have ever experienced. Without these two children guiding me through my journey of parenthood, I don’t know who I’d be. I don’t know how I’d feel alive without feeling the exhaustion that I sometimes feel. I don’t know how I’d find peace without the chaos that ensues. I don’t know how I’d breathe without these children who take my breath away.

The absolute truth though is that beyond these sticky, tricky, unimaginable moments are the most pure and beautiful that I have ever experienced. Without these two children guiding me through my journey of parenthood, I don’t know who I’d be.

Making the decision to have another child after experiencing such trauma is not easy. If you have stumbled upon this because you’re searching the internet for answers, in that same way that I was, you might feel alone but you are not alone. Your bewildered heart may feel torn in places you didn’t know existed.

I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. But I am saying it’s going to be worth it. There is absolutely no conceivable way to describe it. It is the meaning of life.


Zelma is a Social Worker and Founder of The Postnatal Project; a website, blog and email consult service dedicated to supporting families to thrive within parenthood. Zelma has a special interest in and passion for birth, birth trauma, gentle parenting, breastfeeding and mindfulness. Zelma lives in South Australia and has two children, Cadence aged 3 and Asher aged 6 months. You can find more from Zelma on her website, and follow her on Instagram

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *