5. Have a frank talk about alcohol and drugs
Alcohol-related hospitalisations of college students are still on the increase and many experts feel that the greatest risk is in the first semester, when students are just learning how to manage their social lives and independence. If your child will partake in alcohol — as most college students do — how can she stay safe? It IS possible for a young person to drink responsibly in the context of pregaming, beer pong and binge drinking. What will that look like for your child? Beer pong can be fatal? Do they know that every year college students who drive after drinking end up dead? If someone passes out at a party, what will he do? Does she understand the importance of the buddy system? If she goes to a party with her friend and the friend gets very drunk, what will she do? Do they realise that taking a friend’s Adderral is a dangerous habit, and why? Be sure your child knows that you expect them to call an ambulance if someone else needs help, regardless of the repercussions. And definitely set up an Uber and/or Lyft account and have your teen practise using it. Tell them you will pay the bill for the car service if they ever need it for safety reasons. Your teen should never have to wonder if they can get home safely or find themselves in a car with a driver who has been drinking.
6. Discuss love, sex and consent
Young women in their first year of college are considered by many experts to be at higher risk of sexual assault. Is it possible to act with integrity and to stay safe in romantic and sexual relationships in the age of hook-up culture, and what would that look like for your son or daughter? If they feel too awkward having sex with that stranger without getting wasted, then maybe it’s a bad idea to proceed with the sex. Every young man and woman needs to understand that inebriated consent is not consent, that the absence of a Yes is effectively a No. Many teen boys have used pornography as their introduction to sex. Does he understand that porn is not a realistic depiction of healthy sex, and why? (Most porn is male centered and it often includes verbal or physical violence toward women). Does he know how to ask a girl what she likes in bed? Does she feel good about pleasuring herself, and comfortable saying No if she decides during foreplay that sex isn’t a good idea? What’s their plan for birth control and protection from STDs? Does your teen know how to follow her own inner compass and trust her instincts, so she’s less likely to end up in scary situations? Hopefully, this isn’t the first time you’ve had these discussions with your teen, so ask questions, listen and help your teen evaluate what kind of intimate connections they really want and how they might create those.
“When you have sex with a girl, be gentle. Listen to what she wants. Respect her, even if you don’t love her……” – Dad to son who is leaving home, Captain Fantastic
7. Educate about health
Does your child know what to do if he breaks his leg or gets sick? Does she know what to do if she’s raped? No parent wants to think about these emergencies, but it is better for your child to be prepared. Be sure they know their insurance information, how to fill prescriptions, etc. Finally, ask about sleep. Does your child realise that too little sleep compromises their intellectual ability, causes weight gain, and makes it more likely that she’ll spend time in bed with strep throat when everyone else is having fun?
8. Discuss Covid prevention
Unfortunately, we are still battling COVID as new, more infectious, variants emerge. Your teen is (presumably) vaccinated since colleges require that, but can still become infected. Most infections in young people, especially those who are vaccinated, are not serious, but even young people sometimes exhibit worrisome, long-lasting symptoms of “long Covid.” Be sure your teen understands that following the prevention protocols of their college is important.
9. Make agreements about money
Who pays for what? Is your child expected to cover his own incidentals? Will he work part time? Does he need to open a bank account or can he just use his debit and/or credit card? Who will pay the credit card bill? Where is the closest ATM to where he’ll be living? How will he budget his money? What will happen if he overspends? Finally, explain that college is a privilege, a gift you are happy to help with, and you want to be sure he understands how much each class costs. Divide the cost of a semester by the number of classes and the number of weeks. He needs to know how much he’ll be wasting every time he skips class.
Take a deep breath, enjoy these discussions, and be sure to stay calm and make them fun for your teen. And every time you talk, don’t forget to give your teen a big hug and say again how very proud you are of her, and how lucky you are to be her parent!
Originally published here.
Dr. Laura Markham is the founder of PeacefulParentHappyKids.com and author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids, Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings and her latest book, the Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids Workbook.
