Are you interested in becoming an egg donor? Can you help this hopeful couple?
Life
Life is magical, blissful, heart-breaking, desperate and flat-out yearning. These are just some of the words I would use to recount our journey. Episodes of ups, downs, of stomach knotting anticipation, utter joy and total despair. What’s left now? Hope.
This is our story
For the last seven years, my loving partner and I have been trying for a baby. After realising that we were not lucky enough to conceive naturally, we enlisted the help of an IVF specialist, and an avenue of hope opened up for us.
However, nothing prepares you for IVF. You honestly hold onto so much hope that your heart is full, overflowing. Thoughts of all those precious moments to come, where you see their face for the first time, kiss their soft head and feel the warm weight of their little body. It’s not healthy, but you go there. While you are told to be realistic and to simply take one step at a time, I continued to dream about reading soothing bedtime stories, while listening to soft sleepy snorts. Imagining the warm, contented glow of motherhood.
OK, so the first time you’re told it hasn’t been successful is devastating to the point of shock. You are trying to be realistic, but you want a baby so badly that it hits you like a fist in the stomach. Then, those feelings stay.
I continued to dream about reading soothing bedtime stories, while listening to soft sleepy snorts. Imagining the warm, contented glow of motherhood.
When we first talked about IVF, we promised ourselves we would only complete two rounds and that we would accept the outcome. To our absolute delight, on the second round of IVF came the news of a baby. I remember the call vividly. We had done it. I was pregnant! I stood there shaking, letting the news sink in. This was it. I was going to be a mum. I felt complete, I felt like a woman. With a rush of excitement, I went back to work, desperate to shout our beautiful news from the rooftops. Finally, I had somewhere for all this joy and boundless love to go.
Mum and Dad cried when I told them. They had been with us on our long journey and finally they would become grandparents. Such a special moment to share with your mother. A moment of bliss, a moment where you understand how she must have felt when she received her news.
As time went by, my stomach started to grow and I felt good. I was looking after myself and had never been happier. This wonderful secret filled my every thought. Then it happened. Christmastime. I was preparing my class for their school play and in that spit second, I knew it was all taken away. It was so final. So utterly gut wrenching that it’s hard to find the words to explain our feelings of loss and despair.
Time moves on, but I don’t. Not really. I pretend to, and I face life again. I busy myself, surround myself with good people and try to push that empty feeling away. It’s not easy, but you have to try, and you have to move on. You realise how special your friends and family are and their love helps, but that feeling still doesn’t go away.
Then, I open up to my partner and we keep talking, until finally we realise, we must try again. In fact, we complete another two rounds of IVF. Now we have completed four rounds of IVF in total, but we are still hopeful. Hopeful again. Has our fourth and final attempt worked? So, I’m sitting there in the café at Te Papa with my partner, after egg collection, feeling excited. Trying the old trick of keeping my feet on the ground, but not really succeeding, then the call comes. I just know when I see the screen that it’s bad news, because the call is far too early. ‘I’m afraid your eggs won’t fertilise, I’m so sorry’. It’s done. It’s over. I sit there looking at my partner’s face and freeze. It really is the end of the road. I feel beat, tired, and utterly alone.
Some months ago, I stumbled on a YouTube clip of a couple whose story was like ours. They had received donated eggs and managed to conceive a little girl. Could we?
Grief is a funny thing. You can be surrounded by the most amazing people, yet still feel alone and lost. How do I escape these feelings? Well, that is what I am still trying to work out. Some months ago, I stumbled on a YouTube clip of a couple whose story was like ours. They had received donated eggs and managed to conceive a little girl. Could we? How would this feel? After lots of research and honest conversations with professionals, we begin a new journey. But then, new news. We are told that Covid has impacted the egg reserves and the waiting list is a whopping 4 years. At my age, this is not an option, and I am told if this is something we want to consider, we must find that special person ourselves. So here we are.
Writing this has taken me back to some dark places, re-living disappointment and grief but also beautiful moments of feeling utter joy because I was carrying our baby. We hope by writing we may be given our last chance to become parents. Has this story spoken to you?
Thank you for reading our story.
Are you aged between 20-36 and a non-smoker? Would you like to know more about donating eggs to help us start our family? Please email the Fertility Associates on coordinators@fa.co.nz quoting ‘Gift of Life 2023‘ for more information on how you can help us.
