Individualistic cultures such as ours, particularly, need to balance society’s emphasis on autonomy with an understanding of the native interdependence of individuals and their sociocultural context. “You can do it (alone)!” is too easily mistaken for “you are in this alone!” We can offset this message by supporting our children in trying new things and trying on new ideas. We can encourage them to ask for help, to share their feelings, to question things, and to express their creativity. These are aspects of being an active and effective participant in one’s own culture.
We can encourage them to ask for help, to share their feelings, to question things, and to express their creativity.
The apprenticeship analogy points to the idea that the obvious aspects of a skill do not represent the most useful knowledge gained from a mentor. It is only by working together, over time, that the most subtle and nuanced lessons can be assembled by the apprentice, such as how to think like the mentor. It’s one thing to idolize a movie star, to quote her films and imitate her fashion choices; yet admiring stardom does nothing to teach perseverance, work ethic, or how to cope with rejection.
Nature and nurture are intertwined aspects of a singular system that provides the framework for human development. Apprenticeship as a model for cognitive development can include a single novice and a single partner/mentor, but also leaves room for peers as resources in a group of novices. As my 5-month-old studies the antics of her older brothers, she is constantly discerning subtle and nuanced lessons from them. Her reactions range from curiosity, to alarm, to glee as they build the lifelong relationships of love and trust that will inform the greater part of her earliest education.
To my children: Your life is not about how normal nor how extraordinary you can be, it’s about living as best you can in the context of society, one day at a time, and finding ways to rise to each problem in the series with confidence and optimism. That will take a lot of humility and cooperation, even when you are grownups – maybe especially when you are grownups. Throughout your lives, I hope you will make the world a better place, in whatever ways you can. This is not a charge to fix a broken thing, but encouragement to nurture and emphasize the best and most beautiful that humanity has to offer.
You are born problem solvers, you will find a way.
