If she approached a child holding a toy, I’d place my hand in between her and the child and ask her, “Are you asking to use the bus?” If she indicated “yes” and the child seemed to say “no”, I’d say. “He’s using that right now. Please make another choice.” If there was another bus in the playroom, I pointed it out to her.
Sometimes this worked surprisingly well and eased her need to test. Other times she’d persist and get upset when I stopped her with my hand and said, “I won’t let you take the bus from Brady. You can use it when he’s done.” Even when she cried and complained, Sabrina seemed somewhat relieved that we were stopping her. And by the time that particular class graduated and Sabrina was 2, she rarely took toys and had discovered more successful ways (like imitation, for example) to initiate play with others.
Sabrina provided Tom an opportunity for growth, too. One day Sabrina took something from him before I had a chance to intervene. This time, Tom did seem disturbed, so I suggested, “If you want to keep it you can hold on and say, ‘No, I’m using this’.” I reminded him again later in class when another child took something from him, “You can hold on if you want to.”
The next week Tom’s mother told me privately that she’d heard him quietly practicing saying “No, I’m using this” several times.
Then, the following week, Tom had a chance to try out his new skill. Sabrina tried to take a red car out of his hands. He held on. They locked eyes for a moment, then Sabrina moved on. Tom stood, frozen, and stared at the car in his hand in disbelief, spending almost a minute in this reverie.
Empowered by this experience, Tom turned a corner. He continued to spend much of the class time each week playing on his own, but began making tentative forays into the social whirl, discovering that the thrill of engagement with peers could be worth the risk.
Re-blogged with permission from Janet Lansbury
Janet shares more about this respectful approach in Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting
You find the original post HERE.
