By Dr. Laura Markham
Tired of resolutions? Here are 10 simple ways to improve your parenting, no resolutions necessary. Put these on your fridge and read them daily. (You can download a pdf from the link at the end of the article.) I guarantee you less drama and more love.
1. Empathise more
Children don’t always need to get their way, but they do need to feel understood. Isn’t that what we all need?
Whatever your child says or does, she has a reason. Even while setting limits, try acknowledging that reason. Instead of “Turn that screen off right now!” ,try “You really wish you could keep watching, I know. And still, it’s time for dinner. Say ‘Goodbye Screen’. Okay, let’s go”.
2. Tell them what they CAN do, instead of what they can’t
Instead of “Stop playing with the ball in the house!”, try “Balls are for outside. Inside, you can throw the stuffed animals into the bathtub”.
3. Get them laughing every day
Laughter changes the body chemistry, decreasing stress hormones so kids are more cooperative and sleep better. It also increases bonding hormones, so when you laugh with your child, you strengthen your relationship.
4. Say Yes more often
We’re parents, so we have to set limits and say No, over and over all day long. So when you can say yes, say it. Even when you have to say no, can you say it with “Yes” energy? “YES, it’s time to clean up, and YES I will help you and YES we can leave your tower up and YES you can growl about it and YES if we hurry we can read an extra story and YES we can make this fun and YES I adore you and YES how did I get so lucky to be your parent? YES!”.
5. Spend one-on-one “special time” every day with each child
If you want to strengthen and sweeten your relationship with your child, here’s your prescription. Just show up and pour your love into your child without controlling him. Parents often tell me that their children react to getting this one-on-one time “like they were missing an essential vitamin”. They were. Every child needs this tangible expression of your love.
6. Use your pause button to yell less
How will they learn to regulate their emotions if we don’t regulate ours? You’re the role model. Here’s how to your pause button:
- Stop.
- Drop (your agenda, just for now).
- Breathe.
Now, try a Do-Over: “Sorry, I was getting frustrated. Let’s try that again. I need you to work with me here. It’s time to go, and you aren’t ready. What do you need to do to be ready? Right! Let’s do it!”.
