- Enjoy your child for who she is (“I loved watching you as Villager #3!”) rather than trying to make her into someone better. (“You should have spoken your one line louder so the whole audience could hear”). Think she could do better? That’s the drama teacher, or coach, or teacher’s job. Your job is to keep her love cup filled so she can blossom.
- Find a way to see your child positively. Things we see as bothersome are the flip side of a strength. (“I love that you have so much energy!“).
Imagine this as the soundtrack of your child’s day:
“I love how cheerful you are in the morning. It makes me happy to wake up… I noticed how nice you were to your sister last night… I love it when you brush your teeth without being reminded…. I notice you’re working so hard on that… I know that’s disappointing, but I see how you keep trying. Soon you’ll get it every time… Don’t worry, Honey, nobody bats 1000… Wow, you did so much better on your spelling test; all that practice is paying off! … I loved watching you pass the ball… Hey, you figured that out yourself!… I love how you came home and started your homework right away!… You’re such a great hugger and snuggler…. I love our conversations in the car…. I really appreciate you controlling your temper so we could talk – that shows real maturity…. One of the many things I love about you is how you always give the dog lots of attention… How did I get to be so lucky as to be YOUR mum?”.
Wouldn’t that help your child want to be his very best self?
What we pay attention to is what flourishes. Every time you appreciate your child, every time you love something about him, you are giving him the clear message: More of this, please. He will grow accordingly.
Originally published here.
Dr. Laura Markham is the founder of AhaParenting.com and author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids, Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings and her latest book, the Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids Workbook.
