I just hushed and hushed and as a result he felt unheard. It wouldn’t have cost me anything to simply say “Buddy, as soon as we have cried all the tears mummy can hear you and help you.”
To just let him know that I was wanting to listen but that calming down was the first step for me to be able to do that.
Then of course we have the concept of ignoring our baby’s cries. This is a concept I cannot agree with. It feels so alien to me to ignore the cries of our children as part of teaching them life lessons we feel are crucial, such as sleeping like an adult at the age of six months.
What are we really teaching them when we ignore them? That they do not deserve to be heard? That their voices do not matter? That their emotions aren’t our concern?
What are we really teaching them when we ignore them? That they do not deserve to be heard? That their voices do not matter? That their emotions aren’t our concern?
And then there is distraction, which is one done with good intentions but still, what are we teaching our children when we instantly try to distract them away from their feelings, and how is this helping them develop emotional regulation?
If I’m upset, I don’t want to look at a pretty light or get handed a toy. When I’m upset, I want to be heard and feel comforted!
I broke my foot a few weeks back and I can absolutely conclude that looking at a shiny car through the window would not have made my pain any less.
Cuddles and frozen peas however, they helped tremendously.
In a world where children’s mental health is declining rapidly, is it not time we simply take a step back and consider how much we actually listen to our children? How much they feel heard and feel that their voice matter?
In a world where too many young lives are lost, we need to change and let children be heard, we need to really listen to what they are telling us and make sure they know that to us, what they say matters. Their voices matter!
So hear those cries, listen to their words and instead of focusing on the pretty lights, let’s focus on what our mini humans are trying to tell us.
Sofie Thomson is a writer, breastfeeding advocate and (breastfeeding) peer supporter from Sweden, now living in the Scottish Highlands with her husband and children. Since completing her degree in Child and Youth Studies, she has focused on encouraging parents to follow biological norms and trust their natural parenting instincts via her blog – The Gentle Mum. You can also follow her on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.
