Birth trauma also carries with it a strong feeling that I maybe shouldn’t be talking about it. That it’s somehow taboo to show anything but extreme gratitude for the births that I have experienced.
Birth can be a phenomenal, empowering experience for women, but for others, it can feel overwhelmingly as if your body has failed you, as if you failed your baby, and your family, maybe even your future children. The psychological effects of birth related trauma are long reaching for families. Trauma can negatively affect relationships, parenting, future birth choices, and even whether or not to have more children. It goes with you everywhere and can hit you when you least expect it. Yet, it remains a highly under validated feeling.
The path to recovery can be long and confusing for women who feel like they are unable to express their negative feelings surrounding the birth of their baby, amongst cries of, “Wasn’t it the best day of your life?”
Be mindful of your words
If a woman divulges her pain to you, please be mindful of your response. Instead of dismissing her feelings, perhaps ask her how she is coping. Ask if she has sought help. A healthy baby is so important, but so is a healthy mother and our understanding of maternal health simply must extend to mental and emotional health.
In case you were wondering how serious it is, the number one cause of maternal death in Australia is suicide. That fact alone highlights the need to change the conversation around birth. We need to talk about women and their choices. We need easier access to continuous care options, and better pre and post-natal support systems. The old adage, it takes a village, must extend to one of the most vulnerable times in a woman’s life, through the birth and early days of motherhood.
Most of all, we need to stop telling women they don’t matter. If you are struggling after the birth of your child, please reach out. Help is available through the incredible women at Birth Talk and their book “How to Heal a Bad Birth“.
You matter.
Haylee Hackenberg is a writer, a pre-service teacher and a Mama to two. Striving for gentle, and sharing adventures of their little life on Instagram and Facebook.
