You could also consider talking to people ahead of visits. This can work very well if you have supportive and well-meaning guests, who just don’t know how to best help. It can help to let them know that you’ll ask if you would like help with the baby, and that the guidance these days is to offer the breast every time a baby begins to look a little unsettled. You might even be able to assign certain jobs for each guest. Can someone bring a dessert, for example? Or could you ask your cousin to dress and set the table? If you’re visiting other people, you might even want to ask for a quiet space before you go, like a bedroom. This isn’t because you should need to hide away while feeding (please never feel like you need to do that!!) but because all of the noise and chaos can be overwhelming for you and for baby, and having a cooler, quieter, darker room you already know you can retreat to can help you both to regulate your feelings and have some quiet time when (or if) you need it. Most of the time family and friends just want to help – giving them clear ways to do that can make everyone’s life a little easier when it comes to it!
I want you to know that it’s completely acceptable to address unhelpful comments, and to plan in and advocate for your needs during the festive season. In fact, doing just that might even be protective. Many parents report that they suffer from blocked ducts and mastitis more often around Christmas and large holidays or family get-togethers. This is often because when baby is being distracted by other adults, they don’t feed as often as usual. It can also happen because you are busy and stressed trying to meet everyone else’s needs and forgetting your own. In the lactation world, we often say “Pass the gravy, not the baby”. The more you can keep baby with you, the more likely it is that you’ll spot and be able to respond to their earliest hunger cues, preventing your breasts from getting too full and triggering blockages or infection.
I want you to know that it’s completely acceptable to address unhelpful comments, and to plan in and advocate for your needs during the festive season.
I’m aware this article is a bit heavy on the potential downfalls you might experience as a breastfeeding parent during Christmas, but there are some amazing upsides, too. No one else gets to tell you when or how much to feed your baby, and you get to say, “He needs a feed” and take him back as often as you like. If you’re an introvert like me, “needing” somewhere quiet to feed or settle the baby for a nap is a great excuse to step away from the chaos. You can usually enjoy a drink or two, and you can eat all the food you like (unlike when you were pregnant!) and of course, there is something so poignant about the link between a holiday celebrating the birth of a baby while you’re breastfeeding your own.
Whichever holidays you celebrate or honour this year, I hope they are filled with warmth, love, joy, and oxytocin.
Lucy Ruddle is an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC) Holistic Sleep Coach (HSC), public speaker, and author on the topic of lactation. She also holds numerous qualifications in counselling skills, child development and child psychology. Lucy runs a small but thriving Private Practice based on the South Coast of the UK but sees clients internationally. As a single mother of two boys who were hard to breastfeed, and as someone with ADHD, Lucy truly understands the highs and lows of parenthood both for neurotypical families and those who may have additional challenges. Lucy’s approach is strongly underpinned by the belief that parents are the only true expert on their child, and that parental instinct is rarely wrong. Lucy uses listening and counselling skills first and foremost in her work, and prides herself on striving to provide a safe and inclusive space for everyone.
