Negative body image: How to talk to our girls

By Hannah Schenker

You may have already come across this piece by Sarah Koppelkam, but we thought it was worth sharing here as well, because she has an important message.

Body image is a huge deal to our young women (and young men, but especially our girls) , and as parents this is something we should be aware of and actively working to help shape in a positive direction. Negative body image can be inherited from a mother who is constantly unhappy with her own body and saying so. Words slip out when talking to our daughters that we think nothing of, but find out decades later seared deep into their consciousness.

Five- to 8-year-olds who think their moms are unhappy with their bodies are more likely to feel dissatisfied with their own, according to Common Sense Media’s report.” – CNN

This piece asks us to quit commenting on other people’s bodies full stop. Not yours, not someone walking on the street. Not in a good way or a bad way. Because all this focus on bodies takes us away from the really important work we are put on this earth to do. It seems now more than ever we need to be evaluating our thinking and our behaviour, in this highly sexualised body-focussed world we live in, where Instagram is packed with perfect body after perfect body.

You may not agree with everything on this list, but may it help you to start thinking about how you treat yourself, and how this may be passed on to your children.

If we were freed up from this body image obsession, what fantastic things might we accomplish with all of that incredible energy?

How to Talk to Your Daughter About Her Body

By Sarah Koppelkam

How to talk to your daughter about her body, step one: Don’t talk to your daughter about her body, except to teach her how it works.

Don’t say anything if she’s lost weight. Don’t say anything if she’s gained weight.

If you think your daughter’s body looks amazing, don’t say that. Here are some things you can say instead:

“You look so healthy!” is a great one.

Or how about, “You’re looking so strong.”

“I can see how happy you are – you’re glowing.”

Better yet, compliment her on something that has nothing to do with her body.

Don’t comment on other women’s bodies either. Nope. Not a single comment, not a nice one or a mean one.

Teach her about kindness towards others, but also kindness towards yourself.

Don’t you dare talk about how much you hate your body in front of your daughter, or talk about your new diet. In fact, don’t go on a diet in front of your daughter. Buy healthy food. Cook healthy meals. But don’t say, “I’m not eating carbs right now.” Your daughter should never think that carbs are evil, because shame over what you eat only leads to shame about yourself.

Encourage your daughter to run because it makes her feel less stressed. Encourage your daughter to climb mountains because there is nowhere better to explore your spirituality than the peak of the universe. Encourage your daughter to surf, or rock climb, or mountain bike because it scares her and that’s a good thing sometimes.

Help your daughter love soccer or rowing or hockey because sports make her a better leader and a more confident woman. Explain that no matter how old you get, you’ll never stop needing good teamwork. Never make her play a sport she isn’t absolutely in love with.

Prove to your daughter that women don’t need men to move their furniture.

Teach your daughter how to cook kale.

Teach your daughter how to bake chocolate cake made with six sticks of butter.

Pass on your own mom’s recipe for Christmas morning coffee cake. Pass on your love of being outside.

Maybe you and your daughter both have thick thighs or wide ribcages. It’s easy to hate these non-size zero body parts. Don’t. Tell your daughter that with her legs she can run a marathon if she wants to, and her ribcage is nothing but a carrying case for strong lungs. She can scream and she can sing and she can lift up the world, if she wants.

Remind your daughter that the best thing she can do with her body is to use it to mobilize her beautiful soul.

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