5. What if someone gets hurt?
Often, kids do begin to cry when they get a big bump while roughhousing. Sometimes those tears are appropriate to the injury, and your child is ready to get back into the action after a quick hug from you.
Sometimes though, kids sob wildly, clearly over-reacting. That’s a good thing! No, really. It means all that laughter has loosened up the feelings stuffed in their emotional backpack, and they’re taking advantage of this owie to share the deeper wounds they can’t verbalise. After a good cry, your child will be so much more relaxed and happy, since those emotions will be released from their “emotional backpack”.
So instead of feeling like a bad parent because someone got hurt, relax. Take the opportunity to help your child with his big feelings, and be grateful he got a chance to cry. Afterward, ask both kids if they think they need to add any new rules to keep everyone safer next time. Then, write the rules down and post them, so you can easily remind them next time they start getting wild. (Written agreements have extra power even for kids who can’t read).
Click here for more on Roughhousing.
“Play is children’s main way of communicating. …. Playing is connection. … Boys especially need empathy and emotional connection. You can’t communicate to them that what they want to play is stupid and violent and antisocial, and then expect them to talk to you about their inner feelings.”
-Lawrence Cohen, Playful Parenting
More Game Ideas:
“Relay-Race” Jammies
A child takes off one piece of clothing, runs to another room, and touches a certain spot; then runs back, takes off the next item or puts on the next bedtime item, and then repeats until dressed. This gets out the evening energy and takes the focus off of “getting ready for bed”. Be sure to follow with a calming activity such as reading bedtime stories.
Airplane
This is a great solution to seatbelt wars and can get you out the door on time, without a struggle. Pretend you are going on an airplane. Start by playing the flight attendant, saying, “Flight 1234 will begin boarding in 5 minutes. Please collect your baggage and proceed to the gate”. And, later, “All ticketed passengers should now be on board”. Once in the “airplane”, the flight attendant asks all passengers to make sure their seatbelts are buckled “low and tight across their laps”, etc. You can “prepare for takeoff” on the driveway and off you fly.
Code FUN!
“Code FUN!” is only used when you’re in a rush; this keeps the preparations fun. Either the child or parent “rings the bell” to signal that it’s time to rush. Then see how fast the kids can get into their clothes, or get into the car to leave. Only use this one when you are almost ready to go (no-one stops to run the dishwasher in an emergency!) and make sure that everyone knows the difference between this and a real emergency.
Surprise Me
My son invented this game. The parent expresses doubt that the child is able to do something easy and then acts surprised when it happens. Use this one only if it gets your child giggling so you know they are in on the game and so as not to use it manipulatively. A variation of this is to act surprised that something has changed, e.g., “Now how did that plate get from the table to the counter?”.
Time-It
Run a stopwatch to see how long it takes your children to do a task, e.g, cleaning up all the toys. Instead of comparing to last time, just say, “Wow-3 minutes and 9 seconds!”. Or, agree to see how many toys you can pick up together in a certain amount of time or until a particular piece of music ends. When the timer goes off, you’re done picking up, even if some toys are still left. Make sure that the tasks are short enough that your kids can stay focused and engaged. Both of these games help kids gain a sense of time and responsibility.
Let’s Race!
This is a great game for getting dressed. Race your child to see who gets dressed first, or let him try to get dressed before you finish something, such as making breakfast. When more than one child is involved, have the children team up and help each other.
The “Can-Do Team”
This idea came from a working mom with three children. When her husband travels, it’s hard to get all three kids out the door, dinner made, everyone to bed, etc. The idea is to tell your kids, “We can do it together, because we’re a ‘Can-Do Team!”. Let your kids help each other get dressed, brush teeth, get breakfast, pack backpacks, and load the car while you cheer them on. Encourage each of them to communicate with each other to figure out when and where help is needed. Everything is a team effort with all parties sharing ideas and suggestions on how to get something done. When something breaks down, everyone stops what they’re doing and problem-solves the breakdown. You might even have them pick an actual team name (“Fireballs”, “Eagles”, “Howling Wolves”, or…). “Can-Do Team, let’s make dinner! What are we having?”. (Let them create a menu). “Can-Do team, who’s setting the table? Ready?!? Go!”.
Top-to-Bottom Cleanup
Have you ever noticed how it is more fun to do someone else’s work than your own? In this game, work together to clean the house, without attention to who made the mess. Take a laundry basket with you to put items that belong in other rooms, and ask your child to “drive” it from room to room, putting things away as you travel. Use your imagination – e.g., the laundry basket can be a dumptruck and the vacuum can be a bulldozer. This game also offers an opportunity to talk about how nice it feels when rooms are clean and how great it feels to work together.
*Thanks to Parenting Facilitator and Coach Lisa Stroyan, who suggested these games when I interviewed her for my radio show years ago!
Don’t Miss:
Playing with Your Child: Games for Connection & Emotional Intelligence»
Originally published here.
Dr. Laura Markham is the founder of PeacefulParentHappyKids.com and author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids, Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings and her latest book, the Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids Workbook.
