Lower your standards
Two nights ago, I went to bed frustrated that my house wasn’t clean. I woke up stressed, still looking at the mess around me and wanting the clutter to just.go.away. It didn’t. I got really snippy with my family about it and no one was better for it. I spent most of the day repairing the emotional rupture I’d caused. The next night, I took another approach. I went to bed in a messier-than-usual house and told myself, “My house will still be messy when I wake up in the morning. I am going to sleep knowing this and I make peace with the mess.” You know what? I was a nicer person the next morning. I legitimately felt better with that attitude. I decided that with everything else going on, some clutter was not a big deal. Paradigm shift.
Connect spiritually
I often hesitate to share my personal journey with prayer since it’s, well, personal.
I can tell you with certainty, however, that when I turn over my worries to the One I believe is always listening to my heart, it gives me peace.
Maybe it would give you some peace, too. A good friend of mine who prays recently reminded me that once we turn our cares over to God, we should release them entirely. She has a good point – if we’re handing them over, why would we engage in a tug-of-war to try to pull our worries back? If we’re going to trust, trust.
Know what sets you off and create some boundaries around it
We know where we need boundaries because every time something frustrates us, the message behind it is “This isn’t working for me.” Think of the quiet message of frustration telling you that whatever topic comes up that consistently irritates you is one that you need to address. Perhaps you address it within yourself; perhaps you address it with your children.
Remember what makes your kids antsy
If we know, for example, that too much screen time causes behavior issues for our kids, the onus is on us to limit the time they spend online or in front of the TV. To be sure, a lot of kids are going to be spending a LOT more time in front of screens in the coming weeks. If that’s your plan, make peace with it. What you can do, proactively, is decide what times are going to be designated as screen times and which aren’t. My child, for example, does much better with screens if we’re done with them before noon.
If it’s too much indoor time that makes our kids antsy, build in backyard time or a walk on a nature trail away from others.
Remember that playful parenting is your friend
Playful parenting helps lighten the mood for everyone when people just aren’t getting along (or aren’t as well as we’d like). It’s an absolute win/win situation for you and your kids.
Let the others who live with you chip in a bit
If any other adults live in your home and are able to lovingly care for your children for awhile, even a five-minute breather where you have no responsibility whatsoever can help. Schedule it at a consistent time every day so you know you can count on it. If those “adults” happen to be the characters on an iPad (and your child is old enough / safe alone with it), it’s okay to walk in the other room and fetch a cup of tea. Some of the best advice I’ve ever heard is “hold your warm cup with both hands.” I don’t know why, but it’s incredibly grounding to do that.
You can also take a break by letting your kids chip in, in ways they usually don’t. Let your 5-year-old make lunch for the family. Your only job is to make sure it’s actually edible. Cereal is totally okay.
Keep the perspective that not everything about this time is uncertain. We still know a lot. Take a break, at least mentally, and let that sink in.
It’s tempting to jump on the bandwagon of calling this chapter of our lives “uncertain times” – because, frankly, they are. I detest the message that phrase suggests, however. It’s as if it’s saying we know nothing; we’re just generally “uncertain.” That’s gaslighting. That’s fear mongering. Those are the words that get us to click on news stories.
Personally, I choose to reframe them as “tricky” times because I can deal with “tricky” or “interesting” or “character building” much better than I can “uncertain.” As adults, we manage tricky situations all the time. Wording matters to my heart. I choose the one that causes the least anxiety.
Take back control of your mental health by not buying into catch phrases, or anything else, that causes undue anxiety. Then use the information about what you DO know to make smart choices about the time you’re spending with your kids. Take a break whenever you need to, even when you’re sitting right in the middle of everything else.
Originally published here.
Sarah R. Moore is a published writer and the founder of Dandelion Seeds Positive Parenting. You can follow her on Facebook, Pinterest, and Instagram. Certified by the Raffi Foundation for Child Honouring, she works alongside bestselling author Elizabeth Pantley. She also spent a year observing Teacher Tom, a leading practitioner of ‘democratic play-based’ education. Her glass is half full.
