2. Connection. My oldest daughter had just turned 2 when I gave birth to twins. I remember sneaking into her room one night soon after, watching her sleeping one night, silent tears running down my cheeks. I mourned all of that quality, one-on-one time we had had together that had stopped when I was consumed with meeting the very basic needs of three. But when I shifted to acceptance, so did our relationship. Saying “Yes, sure I’ll play with you”, instead of stressing about dinner, fostered a new, deeper connection with my oldest. She started coming to me for cuddles again and I rekindled that incredible closeness we had when it was just us.
3. Confidence. I had felt constantly anxious about the next ‘incident’, whether it be a dual nappy explosion in a park or a meltdown, or one of the babies being ill. With acceptance, I relaxed more into the fact that these things will happen and it would be OK. I had a new confidence in myself to be able to handle anything that was thrown at me.
4. Self-esteem. Instead of thinking about all the things I wasn’t doing or the guidance I had ‘failed’ to adhere to, I started appreciating all of the amazing things I was doing. Raising small children who were (for the most part) healthy and happy. Where I had felt low about my body image during the postpartum phase after a c-section, I was beginning to see myself as the strong, beautiful new version of me I was becoming.
5. Trust. I had what I felt was an exciting life before: lots of travel and a job I loved. I struggled with a sense of loss for what life had been. When you are in it, the sleepless nights, exhaustion and repetitiveness can feel never-ending. But I began to see that this was temporary. And a gift. I trusted that things would change and although life would not look the same, I would be able to get more of myself back, aside from being a mummy to my beautiful children. I trusted that this would pass and in the meantime, I would not only accept but embrace the sacredness of them needing me.
Acceptance erased the shoulds and the coulds and brought instead the haves, the heres and the nows. It brought new joy, presence and the opportunity to make memories instead of allowing things to pass me by, caught up in the battle between expectation and reality.
Having come through these early years, I am grateful to my friend and to that day. I’m grateful to her for showing me another way.
Sara Teeman is a Wellbeing Life Coach and mentor for women in motherhood and beyond. Sign up here for free wellbeing tips and resources or follow and connect on Instagram.
