All of this needs to be discussed and communicated. Because yes, becoming mother is an initiation. Some things are hard to explain unless you have experienced it. One big realisation I had on becoming a mother was my own insignificance. This was BIG. Until then I felt infinite. People acknowledged me as “the future is yours”. The moment I saw my daughter I realised that I am her past. She is the future. And for the first time, I saw that my life will end eventually. Accepting this was deeply humbling.
And I understand that some people might not want to face the fact of their death, of their short life. Especially in the so-called conscious community, I see ironically a lot of concern about SELF. “What is MY biggest contribution to the planet?” “Who am I?” All questions that originally came about when overcoming self-absorption. Have you heard of the term “spiritual bypassing”? It’s when you consider yourself as aware and conscious but actually you are blind to yourself.
It’s so interesting that the people who cared less about me being a mother were the people busy with spiritual “activities”. That hurt and surprised me the most. I could accept that if somebody who is egocentric and ignorant would not see the significance of a mother - but how could it be that somebody that talks about “the future – community – awareness” could not see me?
This observation is also shared by other mothers who are surrounded by people calling themselves “spiritual”.
A friend who is also a mother imagines that the reason could be that in the spiritual community it is most important what you can give to others. How connected you are. The moment you become a mother, all your time goes into raising your child and taking care that you don’t forget to eat or drink. Literally. This is not a joke. Mothers’ instincts are amazing: we would die for our child. This is not poetry. It’s our daily life. So this friend told me that one time she went to a cafe that serves as a meeting place for the spiritual folks. Her baby was with somebody else. She was approached by a yoga practitioner that eagerly engaged in a talk with her. Talking about spiritual concepts of being connected, caring for humanity and those kinds of ideas. Then her baby was brought to her. The “spiritual man” abruptly stopped the conversation and had to go all of a sudden.
Coincidence? … It happened to me in similar ways.
Again - this is not to complain or blame. Honestly – I don’t wish the same culture on my friends who might have children one day. So let’s learn from our mistakes together and make a new story. One that puts mothers in the midst of culture.
As I see it in my Balinese family. The mother here is in the centre of the family compound. Her baby is cared for by many, somebody offers her food and sends her to rest.
And I see Balinese mothers with grown up children, how they are still balanced, loving and giving.
So if some of this makes sense for you and you want to contribute to a healthy future, to a culture that raises a positive future – what can you do?
If you are a mother: reach out. Communicate what is happening for you with your peers. Don’t fall in the trap of only sharing sweet pictures of your baby. This is what might get the “likes” – but it’s not what will enable you to provide for your child in the long run.
For all of you: Reach out. Do you see or know a mother? Can you support her? Even just offering a glass of water? Seeing her. Even though the baby might be super sweet – just give her a look. See her. Acknowledge her.
This will make a much bigger impact to a conscious culture than offering one more workshop, updating your website, or sitting in meditation one more hour.
I know your business and your dreams require your presence. But please think about the bigger picture? If it’s all about YOU YOU YOU, there is not a whole lot of WE left. And YOU might fall into a similar isolation.
Originally published HERE.
Clara Hahn is a young mother, based in Bali. She is a passionate life coach and guide for female holistic entrepreneurs, artists and pioneers following their heart. She has studied dance and embodiment techniques that are part of the unique feature of her coaching style. Get a feeling to Clara’s life over at Instagram: @claratcoaching or her website clarahahn.com.
