My Best 

By Hayley Zemontas

I’ll be honest.
Today’s a bad mental health day.
My battery is low, I’m struggling to engage.
I just need my bed, I’m wishing the day away.
I’m overwhelmed by household chores;
too many waking hours to be endured.
It’s a day of TV and sandwiches on the floor,
then whispers of guilt saying ‘you should have done more’.
Spent more time, put more effort in.
But I have nothing left; the rope’s worn thin.
Today, the small things are insurmountable;
a shower feels just impossible.
My thoughts race, yet my body is slow-
I want the world and it’s demands to go.
I want to disappear; just leave me alone! 
The oblivion of sleep would be absolute bliss,
and it’s those luxuries that I sometimes miss. 
Being allowed to wallow, self destruct and give in.
But I’m a parent now, so I refuse to let it win! 
That’s not a choice I have left
because my children, they deserve the best. 
And my best can be different on any given day.
Some days, I’m on it from the moment I wake,
a real live super mum, without the cape,
abuzz with energy, I’m alive and it’s great!
On others, the simplest things feel hard.
So exhausting when my head feels dark.
But no matter what, I’ll give what I can. 
My head is so noisy, I can’t think straight or plan 
but I’m trying my best, I’ll give nothing less
to these people forged from my blood, my bones.
For them, I’ll take every bullet and stone.
Bang against the glass until it caves in;
I’ll fight kicking and screaming every day
to get back to you, to us someway.
But please know that even on my darkest days,
I’m giving the best that I can, always. 

Hayley Zemontas is a first-time mum to twin girls. She loves writing poetry and finds it very therapeutic. You can find her on her Facebook page: Twinmumtruths. 

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