“Is that really necessary?” I asked. “With my other two I just breastfed and that seemed to work well.” She seemed slightly annoyed, but said, “Oh. Sure. If that’s the way you want to go.”
It was only because I knew first-hand what a truly empowering birth experience looks like that I even recognized how disempowering those little things can be.
I haven’t always been someone who would question a highly qualified doctor. This woman happened to be the one doctor in my OB group that I hadn’t met before the birth, so it’s not like we discussed any of this beforehand. In the large scheme of things, what she did wasn’t a big deal – except when you add up all of those little choices being taken away, it does become a big deal. It was only because I knew first-hand what a truly empowering birth experience looks like that I even recognized how disempowering those little things can be.
This is my body, my baby, and my birth. There should be nothing unnecessary done with any of those things for anyone else’s profit or convenience. And there certainly shouldn’t be anything forced, either through assumed acquiescence or outright coercion. There’s a big difference between suggesting an alternate route and reaching over and taking the steering wheel. Barring true emergencies, birth belongs to the birthing woman.
Generally speaking, midwives have a leg up in this area. Midwives are trained to help a woman harness her body’s own power, physically and mentally, and they encourage ownership of the birth process. There are some amazing OBs who operate the same way, but you do have to vet them out. There are also some control-freak midwives, I’m sure, so it’s not an across-the-board guarantee. But whom you choose as a provider makes a big difference.
Empowerment starts with women educating themselves on the childbirth process and understanding that they are the drivers of that process.
The problem with saying “It doesn’t matter how you give birth” is that if women take that to heart, they may not take the time to educate themselves on their choices or vet potential providers to find the right fit since the birth process doesn’t really matter anyway. Empowerment starts with women educating themselves on the childbirth process and understanding that they are the drivers of that process. Birth attendants are primarily experienced navigators who know what to do if inclement weather hits or if the car breaks down. They should not take the wheel unless there is truly no other choice.
Childbirth is the likely the hardest, most overwhelming thing a woman will ever do, so of course those experiences matter. If you walk away from your birth feeling powerless, that’s important. No matter how your baby ultimately enters the world, how you experience birth and how empowered you feel throughout the process does matter. Let’s stop telling women that it doesn’t.
(Note: I’m aware that empowerment doesn’t always look like what I wanted in my birth experiences. If a woman wants to hand over the wheel and let her provider drive her whole birth, more power to her. I may not understand that choice, but I respect her right to make it. If that’s what empowerment means to her, I’m glad she has that option. Truly.)
Originally published on Motherhood and More. If you enjoyed this post, please pass it along. You can follow Motherhood and More on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Instagram.
