A conscious parent sees the world through the eyes of the young child and feels empathy for the child’s strong emotions.
It’s important to know that the most fundamental of all biological drives is that of proximity. That means just as we have a drive for food, water, and shelter, infants and young children (and all mammals) have an intense drive, a biological imperative, to stay close to those they feel most attached to, their primary caregiver, for protection and security during the first three years of life. Then it gradually tapers off.
While understanding the child’s need for close proximity to her, this mother could try lying down with her daughter on a small mattress or futon mattress on the floor (this way the child will not be in danger of falling off the bed when she wakes up and mother is not there). Mother can continue to breastfeed, or gently soothe her to sleep, then quietly get up and leave the room. During the day, she can mentally prepare her child, talking to her and telling her that when it’s nap time Mommy will lay down with her until she goes to sleep. When she wakes up she can get up and call for her mother. While she may not have well developed language skills, she can understand much more than she can speak, and she can likely call out “mama.” Parents should have a monitoring device in the room so they can hear when the baby wakes up.
When children learn to trust that their needs and emotions are responded to in a respectful, caring, compassionate manner, they will in turn learn to treat others with the same compassion. The world needs more compassionate people!
Barbara Nicholson and Lysa Parker are the authors of a book (March 2009) titled Attached at the Heart: Eight Proven Parenting Principles for Raising Connected and Compassionate Children and are recognized authorities on attachment parenting. They have been featured in national and regional publications including, Newsday, Child Magazine, Mothering Magazine, Natural Life Magazine, Washington Post, Seattle’s Child, Today’s Parents, Westchester Parent, and Charlotte Parent, as well as many international publications. They are frequent guests on national, international, and local radio and TV programs.
For more information about their book go to http://www.attachedattheheartbook.com or API go to www.attachmentparenting.org
