There are so many nuances to life as a parent. Financial pressures hit hard, forcing many parents, especially mothers, to navigate the delicate balance between providing financially and being emotionally present for their children. The strain of fighting against our biological hardwiring invites stress, mental health issues, and overall wellbeing concerns.
I often witness the internalised pressure to meet societal standards of motherhood. The idea of the “perfect mother” doesn’t exist and is an unattainable goal that breeds stress and anxiety. It’s crucial for mothers to recognise that imperfection is not a flaw but a reality. Embracing the messiness of motherhood, the moments of vulnerability, and the occasional chaos is an essential part of the journey.
To understand maternal stress, it’s crucial to delve into the biological aspect of motherhood. The maternal brain remains a constant in the ever-changing environment of caregiving. In ancestral times, the challenges faced by mothers were more immediate and primal-ensuring the survival of their offspring in the face of natural threats. The stressors were often acute, triggered by external dangers that demanded a rapid response.
The idea of the “perfect mother” doesn’t exist and is an unattainable goal that breeds stress and anxiety.
It’s important to acknowledge that we are trying to blindly navigate the significant societal shifts that have occurred over the past few decades. Unlike generations before us, we now live in a world that is faster, more demanding, and can often leave us feeling fragmented.
I can’t help but wonder about my grandmother’s era. Was it simpler? When living off one wage was doable, and gender roles were crystal clear. But then again, roles were confined, and knowing myself, I might have felt trapped as a housewife, unable to explore my potential outside of the home. Where’s the balance? Does the space between juggling our desires and meeting our children’s needs hold the stress?
As a therapist, my approach involves not only providing a holding environment for parents but also advocating for systemic changes. Recognising the importance of mental health in motherhood, workplaces and communities can implement policies that support work-life balance, offer parental leave, and prioritise the wellbeing of caregivers. Importantly, this ensures that children have parents who are happy, healthy, and present.
Jo is an Attachment-based Psychotherapist who works in Perth and online, specialising in pre/post-natal and couples therapy, supporting parents as they transition into a new season of life. She understands the complexities of motherhood and is here to provide the guidance and support you need to navigate this incredible journey. Follow her at @ohheyparenthood or visit www.jo bealey.com.
