By Lacey Owen
The sun is rising, trying desperately to overcome heavy clouds that are rolling in, harbouring gentle rainfall.
Surrounding pines are home to cicada song which is carried into us on a gentle breeze.
It’s just you and I, tucked up warm amongst flannelette sheets in a sleepy state as you nurse for the final time.
In this moment you’re so content. I have learnt this throughout our journey by the way you let out a sigh, snuggle in and reach up, wrapping your fingers around one of mine.
In this moment you’re so safe. I know this because there is nothing in this world that could cause the protection my arms offer, to falter.
In every moment you’re so loved. I feel this as a lump rises in my throat, heavy heart physically aching, weary eyes about to spill over.
Tears of utter exhaustion.
Tears of relief.
Tears of joy.
But most of all, tears of pride.
Pride at our ability to learn and establish this skill together. Pride that we progressed far beyond my initial goal. Pride towards my body for providing nourishment enabling you to thrive. Even on the days when there was nothing left to spare, I gave you the absolute of me. And finally gratitude, for the support shown to us when hurdles were encountered.
I worry now, will I ever be able to soothe your soul, dry your tears or steady your heart so instinctively again?
Did I pay enough attention? Did I soak up your features to store away in my memory? In years to come you won’t remember these tender moments but I hope the safety of my embrace is now engrained in yours.
You’re starting to get restless now, this is it my darling. A brand new chapter is about to begin in the story of your life. Every whispered ‘this too shall pass’ has suddenly come to fruition and in time my quiet grief will make room for excited anticipation, but not in this moment.
Originally published here
Lacey Owen is a busy mum of three gorgeous children who provide the basis of her blog @Laced with Love. Experiences along her journey to becoming a mother and all that motherhood entails such as miscarriage, ill babies, secondary infertility and raising young children. She works part time as a health professional and loves nothing more than creating memories with her young family at many beaches in the winterless north of NZ.