That night, Sofia cried with frustration, panic, confusion and tiredness. Mr Bu gave up after about 15 minutes and she fell asleep in his arms. Meanwhile, heart pounding and adrenalin flowing at the sound of my baby’s cries, I posted a message on the Gentle Parenting International Facebook page, explaining what we were being asked to do and looking for reassurance or advice.
We made the huge realisation that she’s only little for such a short time. Everything is temporary. She will grow and learn to sleep well in time, and we will forget our exhaustion.
But her mental health and brain development are in a critical stage while she’s little, and there’s no taking back something as serious as sleep training. You can’t fix the changes in their brains with apologies or cuddles at a later date.
We cuddled her that night with so much love and appreciation and the knowledge that we were doing the right thing for her. And we all slept so much better.
More recently, Baby Bu has stopped feeding to sleep, and falls asleep listening to me read (invariably) Peter Rabbit. She did this of her own accord, taking me completely by surprise. She didn’t need any training, just the patience to let her figure it out by herself, and feel ready and comfortable with it. No crying, no distress. She still knows I’m there for her, that I’ll come if she cries.
I can’t express how sad I am that I tried any form of sleep training (even though I was naive to it at the time), and how glad I am for the lesson it taught me.
Parenting is TOUGH. It’s exhausting, both physically and mentally. It’s challenging knowing there is no ‘one right answer’ and having to learn on the job day in and day out. And it’s vital to take care of yourself as well as your baby. But after that experience, that brief sleep-deprived lack of judgment, I know that I’d rather do without the sleep and know that my daughter is being given the best chance for healthy brain development.
All I can say is cuddle your babies, give them the time and patience to figure out their own healthy way to sleep, and give in to the fact that amongst all the joys and beauty, good parenting does also involve sacrifice: sleep being one of the biggest. They will thank you for it in years to come.
Hayley Bukhamsin is founder of The Gentle Mama (www.thegentlemama.com, Instagram, Facebook). She is a certified Infant Sleep Educator, specialising in supporting parents to achieve healthier and happier sleep, balance for the whole family, and confidence in their instincts. Her primary motivation is to empower parents to cut through the clutter of confusing advice in order to listen to their own intuition and their babies’ communications.
Whilst Hayley’s clients come from all over the world, she currently lives with her husband and two daughters in Dubai, UAE. She earned a BA Hons degree from The University of Nottingham, UK, before starting a career in advertising. It wasn’t until the birth of her first daughter that she discovered her true passions: Attachment Parenting, Gentle Parenting and, above all, healthy infant sleep.
For the last 5 years, Hayley has pursued this passion actively, building an Attachment Parenting community within the UAE, blogging about her parenting experiences, founding The Gentle Mama and writing for national and international titles including The Natural Parent Magazine.
