5. Embrace Yourself with Compassion
Whatever you’re going through that feels hard to you, acknowledge that it’s hard! You don’t need to compare yourself to anyone else. If it’s hard, it’s hard. Take action to comfort yourself and help yourself feel safer, so your body can offload that stress. Give yourself all the compassion you would offer a good friend who was struggling.
- Wrap your arms around yourself and hug yourself firmly.
- Look at yourself lovingly in the mirror and tell yourself you’re safe.
- Sit quietly and send yourself compassion with each In-breath. With each Out-breath, breathe out stress.
6. Change your mind
- Notice that the upsetting thoughts causing your unhappy feelings may not even be true. Reframe mentally, with a thought that is more positive and just as likely to be true. (“Every baby sleeps through the night sooner or later”).
- Use a mantra to talk yourself down and reframe your perceptions, so your mind turns off its alarm system.
- Choose to see things from the other person’s perspective.
- Remind yourself of all the wonderful things about your child, to put any current “offense” into perspective.
- Choose a more expansive emotion. The simple act of choosing to feel grateful stills our inner critic, changes our body chemistry, and floods us with appreciation and love. As Jan Marie Dorr says, “Practise being grateful for what you have, rather than focusing on what’s missing. Look at what’s working in your life rather than what’s not working. Practise being grateful for the small, wonderful things that happen to you every day, and this will automatically shift your attention from problems to joy, from stress to inner peace.”
7. Change your environment
Still upset, because something in your world really isn’t working for you? Start by doing the first five steps above to let go of where you’re stuck, empower yourself and shift into a more positive place. (Actions you take from fear won’t get you to a better place).
Then consciously choose love, for yourself and everyone in the situation. What does that look like? Imagine the situation working out for everyone’s highest good. Everyone wins. See how that loosens the situation.
Still feel like something needs to change? Now that you’ve done this work, you’ll have more clarity about how to get where you want to go. Take one step toward a better future. Just one. See what happens.
Hard? Yes. The hardest work we can do. You’re bringing the light of your conscious awareness to your fears, so you can spin them into the gold of love. I personally think this is a big part of our life-purpose. But you don’t have to believe that to realise the transformative effects!
Originally published here.
Dr. Laura Markham is the founder of PeacefulParentHappyKids.com and author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids, Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings and her latest book, the Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids Workbook.
