That night after I put Lottie to bed, I channelled my inner Mrs Large and had a bath. As I lay in the warm and quiet ambience fighting the urge to become riddled with guilt, I decided it was time to focus on making me time a priority again. It wasn’t going to be the top priority because Lottie has that spot well and truly locked in, but a priority nonetheless. After all, I am not my best self if I feel resentment which is the ugly bi-product of guilt, and Lottie deserves the best.
From that night onwards, I have been making a conscious effort to give myself some me time. Whether it is a short at-home work out, enjoying a hot cup of coffee and a muffin (never just one or the other anymore because you have got to take your opportunities to enjoy dining with both hands), reading a book or just looking out the kitchen window in a tired trance and being happy with that, once a day it is all about me. Me, me, me.
No, I am not being selfish, no, I am not being a lesser mother because of it and no, I don’t get all the other mundane jobs done that I normally would have in that small time window.
Yes, I am more energetic, yes, I am more positive and yes, I am a better mother to Lottie for it.
I won’t lie. Beating the beast that is mum guilt seems impossible. Perhaps it is. However, I won’t stop trying because at least then I know I am taking positive steps towards being the best mum version (Model 30.12.2018) I can be. These are my top 5 top tips to help this difficult but important task:
1. Plan your activity like you would anything else important
Each day I write a list of things that I need to achieve. As I work through the day, I tick them off. This gives me a sense of fulfilment and purpose, which have always been some of my main drivers.
2. Don’t set yourself up to fail
Feeling like a failure is not conducive to happiness. Period. Make sure your me time is something that is realistic for you that day. For example, don’t plan to smash out 100 burpees after you have had two hours of broken sleep the night before. Trust me when I say it is not worth the nausea and fatigue paired with your never-ending parenting obligations that follow.
3. Less is more
Focusing on one activity a day gives you more of a chance to enjoy the doing part. The stress of trying to cram a number of different activities into a small window just defeats the whole purpose which is to enjoy time to yourself.
4. Don’t overthink it
The mind is a powerful tool that can play to your insecurities (particularly mum guilt). Just treat it like a poo explosion. If you overthink it, you are unlikely to do it, but it absolutely needs to be done.
5. Enjoy your activity in a guilt-free zone
It is important that you give yourself the best chance at success possible. For example:
A. If you want to read a book, do it in a clean, quiet room or outside on the grass, not on the living room sofa sprawled over a pile of washing yet to be folded. If you are anything like me, this is just asking for trouble.
B. Always and without exception, have your me time when either your baby is sleeping or when you have a dad/babysitter, because unless you have noise cancelling earmuffs, the only thing cancelled will be your me time.
Good Luck!
After the birth of her little girl, Lottie, in December 2018, Emma Heaphy’s life completely changed. It sounds cliche, but it is her reality. Formerly a career driven family lawyer with massive goals and an unhealthy work life balance, the slow paced, messy mum life was what she needed to stop her in her tracks and allow her to regroup, slow down and just appreciate the small things in life.
She is now proudly a stay at home mum and in the last few months has reignited her passion for writing. She is no longer using her words as evidence, time recordings or file notes as she did as a lawyer but as a way to record her journey through motherhood, pregnancy and everything between. She likes nothing better than recording her thoughts, motivations, pet peeves, highs and lows through real, raw and unfiltered articles, poems and memes about raising her daughter on a farm in New Zealand.
She blogs through her Instagram @wordsof_emmaheaphy, her Facebook page and her website www.hangingwiththeheaphys.co.nz.
