We can remind ourselves that we are no longer the little children looking for other’s approval. We are our own Nurturers, Connectors and Protectors rising in self-acceptance.
Through the realisation that the adults in our lives were unable to extend this due to their own pain or unconsciousness helps us extend grace and let go of the internal shame and blame.
As we extend compassion to our younger self, it’s important to reassure her/him that she/he is safe.
With time and repeated reassurance, the Inner Child will grow to let go of the pain and fear of being vulnerable. It is possible for the Adult Self to now use her experiences as a portal to progress.
The Inner Child will repeat past behaviour in a desperate attempt to create a different result.
To break the pattern, the Adult Self needs to reconnect with the Inner Child who separated during the trauma.
The only way to stop the trauma response is to help our Inner Child, that Little You, feel safe enough to understand things in a different way.
When you feel the anger rise,
PRACTISE THE PAUSE,
empathise with yourself.
Adulthood is tough some days.
Empathise with the little heart in front of you.
Childhood is tough some days.
The more you practice the pause, the fewer regrets you’ll have.
No amount of nurturing is ever wasted. We are never wasting time or energy nurturing ourselves and children.
We will always be strengthened by empathising, regulating and practising how to consciously communicate.
We are planting eternal seeds that will flourish and multiply with time and through time.
We all need relational safety to grow in emotional resilience.
We have to practise dropping our head-knowledge into our hearts for it to move through our hands naturally. Practice practice practice.
Some practical ways we can nurture, connect and protect ourselves
- Be with people who honour us and our children.
- Find time to still our minds.
- Speak our truth.
- Allow others to speak theirs.
- Do no harm and allow no harm.
- Recognise the child is worthy of respect. Always.
- Practise peaceful discipline. It starts within.
- Learn and practise how to consciously communicate.
- Coregulate with our inner child using the breath, movement, nature and loving dialogue.
- Set aside a little time to play and laugh each day.
- Seek out sunshine, trees, and water.
- Swim, shower or bath daily.
- Nourish the body with natural food at least 3 times a day.
- Drink lots of water.
- Stretch.
- Move.
- Be mindful around screen time.
- Love your sleep. (when it is available)
- Read and listen to words and music that make the heart expand.
- Dream.
Every small step is the journey.
There are many wonderful ways to nurture and rise in our our adult selves so we can nurture and raise our children.
Please share what has worked for you.
♡ Lelia Schott
Lelia Schott is a South African mother to four sons and two daughters (aged 22, 20, 18, 15, 8 and 5). Lelia is a certified parent coach, unschooler, independent researcher, writer, dreamer, peaceful parenting and child advocate, lover of nature, music and exercise. On her best days she can be found with her family in the garden, swimming or walking along the beach.
