Isn’t Attachment Parenting a permissive way to parent?
Absolutely not. “Practicing positive discipline” has a ring to it that makes you envision kids out of control, with zero manners and running over their parents. What positive discipline REALLY means, is to learn and understand your child’s developmental capacity, and to not impose adult expectations and intentions on; to them to respect their basic needs so as to avoid bad behaviour.
For example, the need for nutritious food, for enough rest, and for attention and interaction from primary caregivers. to model good behaviour yourself, for example practicing non-violent communication.
Children learn through observation and are taking in all their cues from those they are attached to.Practicing positive discipline requires being flexible and open to learning, and it requires self-forgiveness.
What positive discipline REALLY means, is to learn and understand your child’s developmental capacity, and to not impose adult expectations and intentions on; to them to respect their basic needs so as to avoid bad behaviour.
Being “alpha” is the most effective and natural role of parents, giving children the sense that you are in control, keeping them safe, and “are their best bet” as Dr. Gordon Neufeld would say. Practicing positive discipline requires being flexible and open to learning, and it requires self-forgiveness. This tends to be an area where the wounds and old patterns of our past tend to come up.
Just one reason why attending support meetings is so helpful throughout the learning curve of parenthood.
Isn’t it just too hard to practice Attachment Parenting? I’m going back to work soon, so I need my baby to be independent.
That really is a matter of perspective. Some have criticized Dr. Sears as being “classist”, saying that only the rich can be AP, those whose husbands make enough money to allow the wife to stay home. Having met the Sears’ myself, I know this is simply not true, as his wife Martha and the other women in the Sears family are incredibly hard workers and phenomenal leaders.
Dr. Sears says that on the contrary, working mothers often find Attachment Parenting to fit in naturally with a busy life, allowing the space for re-connecting after time away from each other.
In summary, the founders of Attachment Parenting International really put it best: API promotes parenting practices that create strong, healthy emotional bonds between children and their parents. For life. So they can take those bonds with them into their adult lives and share them with their children. And their children can do the same. A life cycle of compassion and connection.
Through education, support, advocacy and research, our principal goal is to heighten global awareness of the profound significance of secure attachment – not only to invest in our children’s bright futures, but to reduce and ultimately prevent emotional and physical mistreatment of children, addiction, crime, behavioural disorders, mental illness, and other outcomes of early unhealthy attachment.
If you would like to learn more about what is and what is not Attachment Parenting, you are welcome to attend a free support group meeting, or join our online forum.
Originally published HERE.
Brandie Hadfield has a no-template approach to life. She helps parents navigate the early years of parenting, including sleep, nutrition and lifestyle. Brandie is president of Attachment Parenting Canada, and a lifetime certified family health coach through the Dr. Sears Wellness Institute. You can find more of her work on www.brandiehadfield.ca, and on Facebook and Instagram. Email hello@brandiehadfield.com to learn more about her professional services.
