…rarely do we see public posts about the last time the baby puked on our jumper, a photo of our darling children screaming blue murder at each other or describing the last big fight we had with our husband about feeding too many sweets to the kids!
The good thing is that I am learning to catch myself more and more during these “discussions” with myself and I often have a little laugh at myself: here I am again taking off at 100 miles an hour, exactly what I am trying to convey to others not to do. But hey, we’re all only human and it’s only natural for our minds to do what minds do… the trick is to be gentle on ourselves when this happens, to be aware of our tendency to criticise ourselves, to look at it with a bit of humour rather than getting impatient or frustrated with ourselves. I know I mentioned this following quote by Maya Angelou in a previous blog post but it’s really what’s at the essence of going a bit easier on ourselves:
“Do the best you can until you know better, then when you know better, do better.”
We often look at situations and say in hindsight: “I shouldn’t have done that”, or “Why did we do this?” As Arthur Conan Doyle wrote in The Complete Sherlock Holmes: “It is easy to be wise after the event.” All we can ever do is try our best and navigate the obstacles life throws at us as best as we can. Of course we want to do the best for our children and we succeed a lot of the time. But life doesn’t happen without situations where the best we can do is just hold it together and try to get everybody through fragile times in one piece, and that can be a big achievement in itself.
I guess we will possibly never completely silence this little grumpy mini-me on our shoulders but we can start by befriending him or her a little and catch ourselves when our rows with them get a bit too heated. Become an observer and see what is going on. Acknowledge your thoughts but rather than holding on to them see them for what they are, they’re just thoughts passing through, not your identity. Give yourself some credit for all the great things you do and also for the effort it takes to keep the family boat afloat. It can be much easier if we don’t take ourselves so seriously all the time. Give yourself a break and acknowledge that you are doing the best you can under the circumstances in this very moment… so well done you! xxx
For more information on mindful parenting and education and a practical everyday approach that can be applied by anybody and tailored to your individual circumstances take a look at my new book Roots and Wings – Childhood needs a revolution, a handbook for parents and educators to promote positive change based on the principles of mindfulness.
Alex Koster is a mum, teacher, mindfulness practitioner and author/blogger. Originally from Germany, she has also lived and worked in Co. Tipperary/Ireland since 2000. She is married and has two beautiful daughters aged 4 and 6. She has always had a great interest in education that goes beyond just traditional academia and strongly believes that children learn best through play-based approaches combined with outdoor/nature experiences. You’ll find her at her website Roots and Wings, and find her new book on Amazon.
