Things We Can See: Practical Tools for the Transition
There’s one thing I depended on to be able to lead our international transition: a very detailed timeline. Wanna not go crazy? Your timeline will help you stay on track, delegate, ask for help and see the magnitude of what it takes to make this move! Ours was four typed pages, and I still feel a little boost of bad-ass every time I look at it.
Beyond that, creating a photo album is a wonderful way to support your child’s transition. Include photos of your favorite places and people where you live now, and then tell the story of why you’re moving through a few photos of the ‘why.’ Finally, a few photos of where you’re going.
Prioritizing the Core of Life, Our Relations
To help your children transition, invest in relationships that are most important to you. Send an email to your social web saying you’d like to see them before you leave, and you aren’t willing to squeeze all your visits in at the last minute. Ask them to make plans with you now if they want to get together before you depart. Continually, focus on those dearest to you. You’ll enrich your relationship by investing during this big time, and they will be the ones to lean in to support you in ways you need!
Buy a stack of blank cards and envelopes at a local art store. It’s a creative travel activity, and few things make Grandma feel more loved than a card in the mail. Ask people to be your child’s pen pal.
Computer video calls (using Zoom or Skype) can be a great way to play with pals back home. When a child finds their friends’ butt-jokes are only a computer call away it’s pretty rad. Eventually, your child may decide it’s strange for our dearest pals to “be” inside the computer. Creating new friendships takes time and… computer calls can be helpful when you first land.
Yes, And…
Have you embraced this communication practice yet? If not, it’s time. This comes in very handy in parenting. Instead of saying “but,” say “Yes, and…” Use of the word “but” is essentially defensive, and the child can feel negated.
Example? Anabelle says, “Mama, I don’t want to move because then I can’t play with Oscar anymore!” You say, “Yes, and… we can draw cards for him and put them in the mailbox and you can pick out fun postage stamps!” Starting with this can feel awkward, and… (haaaahaha) you’ll get used to it.
Let Your Instincts Lead
Times of intensity ask us to tune into our instincts and strengthen our self care muscles.
Listen to your own truth, honor your own story, needs and values. This is why really good friends are priceless at this time. Good friends will remind you why you’re doing this and speak words to help you stay focused.
Big moves are effortful sometimes, just like giving birth. Babies don’t just slip on out without a roar from the core of mama’s lioness self; lifting house and home to make life anew doesn’t either. Your fiercest self will be called for, and when you reach “the other side” you will know her better than ever before. For this, I sing. You’ve got this.
Jessica Rios is a lifelong letter writer, 13-year Love and Leadership coach, and the founder of Leaning into Light. Her life’s work is dedicated to illuminating the beauty of the human spirit. Since she was a child, Love has been her religion. She lives with her husband and daughter in Petaluma, California and they are currently spending a year in Sweden.
