Be as patient as you can during the bedtime routine. The more stressed and anxious you are to get them to sleep, the more they read that energy as a sign to hold on tight and keep you with them as long as possible. Podcasts and music through an in-ear pod are a great way to ensure your body is relaxed, even if your mind is screaming ‘go the hell to sleep’, allowing you to offer physical connection in a way that makes them feel safe enough to separate. If you don’t lie with your child to have them fall asleep, or if you do lie with them but would like to move away from it, offer small periods of separation that are tangible to your child and present the reliability of your return. For example, say something like, “I just realised I left the water running in the bathroom, I’m just going to go turn it off and come right back”. Over the course of days or weeks, continue to come up with reasons to leave for longer and longer periods, until your child eventually learns to fall asleep while you are gone, but with the safety of knowing you’re coming back to check on them.
The more stressed and anxious you are to get them to sleep, the more they read that energy as a sign to hold on tight and keep you with them as long as possible.
Ultimately, this is a season that will pass and the more you can do to make your child feel secure in their dependence on you, the more they will learn that it is safe for them to be independent. While we have a societal expectation of independence from an exceptionally young age, it is often not developmentally appropriate to expect children to be able to manage independence. It cannot be taught, but rather comes with experience and maturity, and the more reliable the caregiver is, the more quickly the child will develop their confidence.
Cayla Solomon is a certified sleep and well-being specialist, certified parent educator, and mom of 3 dedicated to helping you find sleep and parenting solutions through responsiveness, without any sleep training. If you are struggling to find parenting solutions that meet your family’s needs, you can find Cayla at www.sleepingbeauties.ca and on Instagram and Tiktok at @officialsleepingbeauties.
