“Just sleep train them – you need to teach your baby how to sleep independently, so that you can sleep all night and be a productive member of society.” You’ve heard this, in fact you’ve probably had messaging along these lines pumped into you your whole life, even before becoming a mother. But does it feel right? Cultural norms do not equal the biological norm. Strategies that seek to control our babies’ sleep and behaviour in the name of protecting our mental health do not respect the mental health of our little ones. Expectations that are placed on us, and therefore projected onto our babies do not support what infants need for optimal development.
As mothers, we are conditioned to view self-sacrifice as the pillar of motherhood.
Because we “should” do everything for our kids and give up everything for them, including ourselves and our instincts. Mothering and care work is not valued in our society, and yet if we were to stop doing this integral care work, society would come to a halt.
Could the pandemic really be a blessing in disguise for families? I know it’s hard that your parenthood journey doesn’t look like you thought it would, I would never want to invalidate that. But, perhaps by not having activities and obligations to attend, you’re able to be at home and take things more slowly with your little one. Yes, being in isolation is hard, but you also don’t have to be on show and “performing the perfect mother” day in, day out. Maybe the pandemic can give you the space to shake off the shoulds and challenge the culture.
Without distractions, you can tune into your baby, listen to your inner wisdom and know that together, you innately know how to do life together.
Mama, I know it’s hard, but you’re doing an amazing job. You are enough. Hold your baby close and do what feels right. Follow your heart. You’ve got this.
Sarah is a Baby-Led Sleep and Well-Being Specialist and the founder of Blossom and Snooze, supporting parents of babies and toddlers to get more sleep, holistically and without sleep training. Her focus is on attachment and the relationship between parent and child. The approach of her work is based on biologically normal infant sleep and provides sleep solutions which are developmentally appropriate and individually tailored to each unique baby and family. Sarah is an Australian mum, providing virtual consults to families worldwide: you can find her on Instagram and you can book 1:1 support on her website.
