By Sarah Palmer
… and why the pandemic could be a blessing in disguise.
When I talk to new parents about what they’re struggling with, their baby’s sleep is often at the top of the list. I know, I’m a mum too and I’ve been there.
You’re worried about creating bad habits, or that your baby will be too dependent. You’re concerned about their development and the skills you’re told they need to learn to function as an independent human being. You’re scared that if you don’t sleep train your baby to sort out their “sleep issues” that they’ll be damaged for life. You’re being fed so much noise that you question your ability as a parent and you wonder what you are doing wrong. To be honest, you’re too sleep deprived to fight back and question the origin of the noise. And yet, none of it feels quite right.
What if I told you that you are doing everything right and that your baby is doing exactly what they need to be doing?
What if I told you the problem isn’t your baby’s sleep, or your parenting choices? What if I told you that the real issue is our cultural constructs and social conditioning?
In our Western Industrialised society, we are indoctrinated into a culture of independence and control. There are so many expectations placed on us to live busy, productive lives – to do it all, do it alone and do it perfectly. This pressure cooker becomes amplified when we become mothers. Social media portrays “picture perfect” parenting moments and products are marketed to us to solve all of our “problems”. Infant sleep is pathologised – if our baby’s sleep doesn’t fit into a very small (and unrealistic) box, we’re told that something must be wrong and that we need to teach our innocent, unknowing babies to do better. We are expected to have perfectly curated play spaces and attend endless scheduled activities.
And if you can’t do it all? You feel like you’re failing and that you are not good enough.
When we sit underneath these incredibly convincing pressures, pushing in on us from all angles, it’s no wonder our intuition is squashed. It’s no wonder we feel like we’re falling and out of control. And when the cultural constructs within which we live tell us that we need to be in control, it’s no wonder we seek that which we think we can control. Where does that usually fall? Sleep. “Just put them on a schedule and you’ll be able to get everything done.” It’s just another marketing message from our social conditioning.
