Your number one focus when going through a separation or divorce

Photographer:Jenna Young Photography

By Fiona Ng

There’s no denying that going through a separation or divorce is NOT easy for all parties involved. 

There are a lot of emotions flying around, a lot of different energies and of course a lot of down days when you don’t know how to cope or can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Chances are you didn’t make the decision to split from your partner lightly and you likely put a lot of energy into trying to make it work. (I see you…) 

The good news is though, now you’re actually separated you can move your energy elsewhere and really focus on your children. 

It isn’t the structure of the family that impacts the children, more so the way both parents relate to one another – so as hard as it may seem, try not to get too strung up on the picture perfect nuclear family with everyone living under one roof. Every family has their struggles whether together or apart, although when you’re in the thick of a black fog it’s easy to think you’re the only one going through stuff. 

What’s really important is to consider your child’s feelings and allow them to fully express their feelings (whilst you act as a facilitator, holding that safe space for them to openly talk and openly let out their feelings).

The key here is to keep YOUR emotions out of it.

This isn’t to say you hide your feelings, more so you don’t become too emotional and let this sway your child’s emotions. Children are loyal and very intuitive to how parents feel and you have to move away from putting words in their mouth that they may not actually be feeling. 

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