So if you’re overly flooded about the fact your partner has moved out, you don’t want to be saying things to your children like “Are you really upset because Daddy has moved out?” instead you want to be asking open-ended questions and getting them to come out with their feelings without you implying what those feelings could be.
This season requires a high level of maturity (from both parties). If your ex partner can’t, you just have to step up and rise above it with integrity.
It’s worth noting that it is important to make sure that your child doesn’t start being YOUR ’emotional support’. This is never OK. You have to take into consideration your child’s development and roles should never be reversed where they start to become the parent because they are feeling sad for you.
A way to avoid this is to ensure you have a good emotional support network who you speak to.
Some things should just not be discussed with young children and it’s important you have a therapist or great family and friends around you who can hold space for your emotions.
I’m all about feeling the feelings so please don’t misinterpret this to believe you have to ‘hide’ how you feel from your children. It’s more than OK to show your emotions and to let your child know when you feel upset, but it’s also maintaining boundaries where the child still feels you are their safe, secure parent and that you can hold safe space for them to honestly and authentically express everything that’s going on for them.
Originally published here.
Fiona Ng lives in the North East of England with her two daughters (aged two and four) and positively co-parents with their dad. She’s been a stay-at-home working mum for four years so knows that the struggle is REAL when it comes to parenting.
She helps parents who know some changes need to be made but just don’t know where to start. She understands that not every parent has the time or desire to consume and read all the parenting books. The books are great but radical changes weren’t made in her own family until she decided to go all in with her own parenting.
Being obsessed with self development and psychology, she took her desire to learn more about why we do what we do and qualified as an NLP Practitioner and later became qualified as a Parenting Coach with the Jai Institute of Parenting. She also holds a BA Hons Degree in Tourism Management and prior to becoming a mum was an Event Manager in the hospitality industry. You can find out more on her website and on her Instagram and Facebook pages.