10 things you can do to be kinder to yourself as a Mum without needing help from anyone else

By Mandy Rees

Asking for help is good, and I’m a great advocate of calling in your village, but it’s not always possible.

You may not have people close by who can take care of your children. You might have people close by but you don’t like to ask them because it feels too hard to do so. Perhaps you’ve received too many ‘no’ responses before.

We all need things we can do without help from anyone.

Here are 10 things you can do for yourself without needing input from anybody else:

1. Look for positive people and hang out with them. You get to choose where you spend your time so be discerning. If someone drains your energy, avoid time with them when you can.
2. Gratitude. Upon waking or last thing at night, remind yourself of three things you’re grateful for. It might be your family. It can be the ice cream you enjoyed that day. It does not have to be deep and meaningful.
3. Allow yourself to feel all of your emotions. Don’t push your emotions aside and focus only on your children. It’s important that you give yourself time to process both positive and negative emotions. You might want to write them down.
4. Nourish your body by eating a balanced diet and stay hydrated. Carry a water bottle with you in your bag, the car and have one by your bed. Also keep a handy supply of healthy snacks close by.
5. Celebrate your successes, no matter how small they seem, treat yourself and recognise your little wins. Getting through the day is a win.
6. Breathe. When you feel tired or overwhelmed, place your hand on your chest and take five deep breaths. This acts as a pattern interrupt and re-sets your thoughts and your body’s response to them.
7. Recognise negative self-talk. Be kind to yourself and don’t beat yourself up over small mistakes because we all make them. Talk to yourself in the same way you would talk to and support your best friend.
8. Sleep. Where possible, choose to go to bed early. Don’t stay up just to have the house to yourself. It’s tempting but has a negative effect on how you feel the next day. The world always feels easier to navigate when you’re not so tired.
9. Stop scrolling through social media and comparing yourself to others. Everyone has their own unique journey and we are all dealing with stuff that those on the outside can’t see. Unfollow accounts and people that make you feel rubbish.
10. When you wake up in the morning, make sure your first thought is a positive one. For example, not ‘I’m tired’ but ‘I will find time to rest today’. Not ‘I’m not doing enough’. to ‘I am doing my best and that is enough’.

If you do these, or some of them regularly, you will form positive habits that support your emotional wellbeing, putting you in a better place to support others. They are also wonderful habits to share with your children.

Mandy Rees is an expert in holding space and creates Mother Circles where women can share their motherhood experiences honestly and without fear of judgement. She is the founder of Mother for Life and the unique Mother Circle Guide Programme; an empowered feminine leadership programme through which beautiful Mother Circles businesses are created all over the world. Mandy is also a lawyer, yoga teacher, baby massage instructor and emotional wellbeing coach. Mandy works one to one with women who want to achieve balance and authentic fulfilment in their life. She can really help you if you’re feeling stuck. You can follow Mandy on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn.