3. Get outside every day, even if it is pouring with rain. It’s really hard to be objective about something you are deeply involved in without stepping outside of it for a little while. If you can, create some time away from your children where you can switch off and think with a clearer head. A walk around the block does wonders for clarity of thought.
4. Find other mums to share with. I’m pretty sure that they will feel guilty about pretty much the same things you do. I had no new mum friends when my first daughter was born because my anxiety prevented me from leaving the house. This was not good for me or her and my guilt levels soared simply because my belief system at that time was that every other mum loves this. That’s not true. We all have challenges. We all feel rubbish at times. Talking about it helps you to understand that it probably isn’t guilt you’re feeling; it’s overwhelm from the pressure you’re putting on yourself to be like all the other ‘perfect parents’. NOTE: no parents are perfect.
Find other mums to share with. I’m pretty sure that they will feel guilty about pretty much the same things you do.
5. Be confident in the choices you are making around how you parent. This involves hanging around with the right people and not wasting your energy on those who make you feel sad, bad or unbalanced. Unfollow people on social media. Stop saying yes to that friend who drains all of your energy. Instead, reach out to other parents with similar values to you. Life isn’t about keeping everyone with you at all times. It’s about having the right people at every stage of your journey. Becoming a parent might be the right time to let some people go. As hard as this might feel, it’s the right thing in the long run. If you have someone parenting with you, make sure that you are communicating well and giving each other the support you need.
There is no right or wrong way to be a parent. Create your way and be confident in it.
Feeling guilty is a waste of time. It saps your energy and gets you absolutely nowhere. Turn it into a positive. Think about what you can do to resolve the issue/move on from whatever it is. Take things back into your hands and call in the support you need.
One last tip: we’re not meant to do this on our own. Asking for help is an essential.
Mandy Rees is a lawyer, yoga teacher, baby massage instructor, emotional wellbeing coach and 3-step rewind practitioner. Mandy is an expert in holding space and creates Mother Circles where women can share their motherhood experiences honestly and without fear of judgement. She is the founder of Mother for Life and the unique Mother Circle Guide Programme: an empowered feminine leadership programme through which beautiful Mother Circles businesses are created all over the world. You can follow Mandy on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn.
