The next problem was continuing breastfeeding while my wife was at work. Our daughter did us a favour by completely rejecting expressed milk in a bottle, even though that had worked for the first three weeks of her life. She knew then what we’ve come to learn over time, that there is more to breastfeeding than the transfer of a homogenous white liquid. The experience is far more complex, including a bond that benefits both mother and child, and a marvellous feedback mechanism that tailors the milk to how the child is feeling at any given moment. The only way to make this all work was to take my daughter into my wife’s office, which was a forty-minute bus commute each way. I think most people thought we were mad, in the same way, we now think Naomi is.
This solution presented several logistical challenges. Being out at lunch-time meant my daughter had to sleep away from the house. She, of course, did this at completely unpredictable times.
My daughter travelled with me in our wrap, which became more essential than our car. That was where she slept, which meant she could have her nap anywhere.
My wife has a busy and stressful job, but my daughter’s appearance forced her to take a lunch break every day, which was of mutual benefit.
We maintained this routine every day for 14 months until my daughter was two. By the end, she could walk all the way from the bus stop to Mummy’s office, and even knew the way herself. But like any journey worth completing, there were obstacles along the way. About six weeks into the routine, I badly injured my knee, attempting to return to social sport. I spent three weeks on crutches and couldn’t carry my daughter. Fortunately, my mother-in-law was able to fly over to help out. Although she too couldn’t lift my daughter, due to a bad back, between us, we managed to keep up with the routine. A year later, my wife had to have an unplanned operation and spend the night in hospital. It took much negotiation to allow us all to stay there overnight only to find that our daughter refused to breastfeed-maybe due to the medication in my wife’s system or the unfamiliar and intimidating environment. We thought that was the end of breastfeeding, but a couple of days later, she was feeding again as though nothing had happened.
There were some surprising benefits to our unconventional approach. My wife was only ever away from our daughter for four hours at a time, which significantly helped both of them deal with the initial separation.
And while my daughter slept, I could stop at my favourite café to indulge in an espresso and some respite with my book.
I recently had to update my resume and so reminisced on what I’d been doing for the past decade. There was not one thing in my entire career that was so important that I’d keep doing it at the expense of being there for my daughter. The time I spent with my daughter has changed my perspective on careers in general. I took an 80% reduction in salary to be home with my daughter, and I’d make the same decision again. Life presents us with difficult choices at times. If you put the needs of your children first as often as possible, you will be rewarded well into the future.
Jeremy is the co-founder of the independent publishing house Leabrook Press and author of the books Graduates’ Guide to Work and Why Do I Lose Trading Forex? He also writes the blog Compounding Time which explores how we can best spend our time, now and into the future. After completing his tertiary education in mechanical engineering and commerce, Jeremy spent a decade in full-time supply chain roles across three diverse industries before deciding to refocus. He is now a father, publisher and part-time member of the work force. He lives in Adelaide, Australia, with his wife and young daughter.
