I don’t know this new me, I haven’t met her before, I’m doubting her a lot.
But you’re alive, you’re breathing, be thankful!
“Mama, wipe away those tears”
I can’t feel sad, there’s no room for my sadness with all that’s going on.
My heart is full, but I’m running on empty and I’m overwhelmed.
My body has broken and the pain is still in my bones.
My life has changed direction in an instant and I just need to feel it all for a moment and cry without judgement, without question.
I stand here in the shower, touching my spongy belly and I’m alone in here for the first time in 9 months. The sprays of water drown away my tears.
I know you compare others’ misfortunes against my non-existent ones in the attempt to dam this river.
But my sadness belongs to me, it doesn’t need to be measured.
I may not understand it either.
But please let me cry these tears.
So I can feel lighter again.
So I can be the mother I am destined to be.
Without this shade of blue.
Because I am lucky.
We are unbelievably strong.
Jess Urlichs spent the last few years in Australia where she met her husband in Melbourne, then moved back to her home town of Christchurch to start a family.
She is a stay-at-home mother to two babies a year apart, Harrison and Holly, having previously worked in Human Resources. Her passions are her family, her home-made candle business and writing.
Writing about motherhood has been a great outlet and she loves being able to reach others and connect with many who are on the same challenging but incredibly beautiful journey. Check her out on Facebook and Instagram.