Why Would You Breastfeed a Child Who’s Old Enough to Ask for It?

Ten real reasons we nursed through toddlerhood, continued:

I felt like letting them wean at (mostly) their own pace honored our nursing relationship and their attachment to it.

6) Respect. 
Our kids were pretty keen on continuing to breastfeed past age one. At some point in the second year, I started to feel less keen on it myself, but it didn’t feel right to just cut them off cold turkey. Nursing was a pretty big deal for them, and I respected that. Those second two years were really a long, slow, weaning process. There wasn’t a lot of trauma, other than some occasions when I said “no” and they were looking for a “yes.” Some simple distraction or “not now, later” usually did the trick. We stopped nursing in public. Then we only nursed at certain times. Then we cut those times off one by one. It wasn’t necessarily easy all the time, but neither is parenting. I felt like letting them wean at (mostly) their own pace honored our nursing relationship and their attachment to it.

7) Calm. 
Toddlers can be like little Tasmanian devils, tearing through the world in a crazed whirlwind of exploding vocabulary, physical skill, and willpower. Nursing provided an oasis of calm several times a day that I’m not sure we’d have been able to achieve otherwise. I think that also might have contributed to our lack of tantrums. Not that there were never any fits, but for two-year-olds, they were quite few and far between.

Nursing provided an oasis of calm several times a day that I’m not sure we’d have been able to achieve otherwise.

8) Body image. 
This barely counts as a reason, because it’s mostly vanity and 100% selfish, but I’m including it anyway. I know not every woman loses weight with breastfeeding, but I did. The baby weight melted right off and stayed off. Also, I’m barely an A-cup normally, but while I was nursing I got to be a solid B. So nursing was great for my physique. That wasn’t actually a reason we continued to breastfeed, but it was a nice fringe benefit. Burning those extra several hundred calories a day was pretty sweet.

9) Experience. 
I was breastfed until I was 2 1/2. My husband was around 4 when he stopped. And we’re both pretty normal people, without any weird mommy obsessions or boob fetishes. I’ve also known a lot of kids who nursed well into toddlerhood, and none of them turned out to be serial killers. So I didn’t have the squeamishness or fears some people get when they think about a toddler nursing. It seemed totally normal to me.

10) Confidence. 
Even with all of these reasons for nursing into toddlerhood, I’m aware that a lot of people still think it’s weird. The reasons against continuing to breastfeed past a year usually have something to do with sexualization of breastfeeding, discomfort with a kid who can talk asking for milk from a breast (even though that’s what they’ve always done, just without the vocabulary), concerns about what other people might think, or some combination of “ew” and “ick” factors that are usually a result of lack of exposure/experience. I was confident in knowing that there wasn’t anything bizarre about it because I’d seen and known lots of moms who nursed toddlers. I was confident in knowing that there weren’t any ill effects from nursing into toddlerhood because I’d done it myself. I was surrounded by supportive people, which helped, too.

Our societal discomfort over “extended” breastfeeding is entirely cultural, and no argument that I’ve seen against it really holds any legitimate weight.

If you met my children, you’d never know they nursed until they were 3. They don’t remember it, and don’t think anything of it. Some kids who nurse until 3 or 4 do remember it, and that’s okay, too. Our societal discomfort over “extended” breastfeeding is entirely cultural, and no argument that I’ve seen against it really holds any legitimate weight.

I do totally understand people not wanting to nurse that long, and I wouldn’t ever tell a mom (or even think) that she should breastfeed as long as we did. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends at least one year. The World Health Organization recommends two years, and then however long mom and baby mutually want to continue.

But those are guidelines, not rules. Some women are unable to breastfeed, and that’s okay. Some women have their own private reasons for not breastfeeding, and that’s okay. Some women breastfeed for less than the recommended length of time for numerous reasons, and that’s okay.

It’s also okay to nurse a child who can ask to nurse. It’s okay to breastfeed a child who can eat real food. It’s okay to take weaning really, really slowly if that’s what works best for you and your baby.

Motherhood is hard enough without putting pressure on ourselves or judging one another’s choices. I hope that explaining my reasons for nursing longer than most makes that choice more understandable for people who might find it odd. Feel free to ask if there’s anything further you want to know. I’m happy to answer questions, trophy or no trophy.

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