Watching your baby learn and discover the world one milestone at a time is pure delight, but no one prepares you for the parallel sense of loss that comes with that. I adore the age that Alice is now, and I’m so excited to see everything that’s to come – the walking, talking, singing, role-playing… but I don’t want to lose my little 11 month old. I want to keep her always.
I always want her to have those small strawberry blonde curls forming at the back of her head, those chubby cheeks, the leg rolls.
I always want to make her giggle by running my fingers up her tummy and under her chin. I always want to laugh at her waving and pointing with a backwards hand. I always want to listen to her call everything ‘gug’. I always want her to have those small strawberry blonde curls forming at the back of her head, those chubby cheeks, the leg rolls. I always want her to find such joy in a piece of wafty fabric or a balloon. I always want her to come to me for milk and comfort, to bury her little head in my chest and look straight at me when feeding. I always want to spend every day with her. Every. Single. Day.
There will be other years and other happy memories, but whatever happens in my life, whether I have more babies or not, this will always be a special one. My first year as a mother, my first year with Alice. In some senses the first year I’ve ever felt this alive – as though I’ve been awakened to who I really am.
So please time, before we fill the weekend with smiles, bubbles, bouncy castles and ball pits, can I keep my baby for just a little while longer?
Cathy Oliver is a 30-year-old first time mum to Alice. She writes over at Mummy Woman. Head to Instagram to follow their journey in pictures, and don’t forget to follow her on Facebook and Twitter.
