How to be more intentional, continued…
- Watch color choices when picking out clothes for infants and toddlers. As soon as they are able allow them to choose what they want to wear and what colors they like.
- Whenever a problem arises, ask your child for his side of the story first. Give your children their voices and opinions even if inconvenient.
- When either your sons or daughters come home with frustrating stories of teasing or bullying, role-play first giving them the chance to yell and scream whatever they want to their nemesis. After emotions are fully expressed, ask what they want from the bully and what they can say and do to get that.
- Always, always, always allow your child’s emotions. Never tell either boy or girl to calm down or there’s nothing to cry about or god-forbid, stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about, boys don’t cry, and stop being a baby. When you can’t tolerate their emotions, note that is your problem. Telling them to stop asks them to take care of your problem. Simply acknowledge all emotions and be open to sharing your own as well.
- Model the qualities you want your children to have. If you want kindness and respect, ask yourself if you are kind and respectful to them. If you want them to be generous and caring, are you? If you encourage strength and confidence, do you show them how it’s done?
- If you yell, blame, threaten, and punish, you are using your power to coerce them to get what you want. In other words, you are teaching them how to bully.
Model the qualities you want your children to have. If you want kindness and respect, ask yourself if you are kind and respectful to them. If you want them to be generous and caring, are you? If you encourage strength and confidence, do you show them how it’s done?
To raise conscious, caring, respectful and considerate children, you need to provide a home where family works as a team and children are motivated to help out. It means that no one’s needs and rights are any more or less important than anyone else’s. There is mutual respect, thoughtfulness, and connection. And the family is far from patriarchal.
Bonnie Harris is the director of Connective Parenting. She has been a parenting specialist for 30 years, is an international speaker, teacher and coach/counselor. Bonnie has written two books: “When Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It” and “Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With“. Visit her website: www.bonnieharris.com and follow Connective Parenting on Facebook.
