5. Keep your perspective. AKA don’t sweat the small stuff (and it’s all small stuff). In the moment, when big feelings are rampant, and people are triggered, and the situation is escalated, it often feels like the most catastrophic issue in the world. Except… it’s not. It’s not even close. In the grand scheme of things, this moment is but a little blip. Spilled milk, Sharpie on the wall, meltdowns over getting the wrong colored cup, sandwiches shoved in the DVD player… I promise you it won’t matter later. It won’t. And nothing – seriously NOTHING – is more important than that little human standing before you, waiting to see how you’re going to react.
6. Apologize when it’s warranted. You’re going to have your not-so-gentle moments. That’s a given. Sometimes, even if you do everything “right”. Even if you breathe, and slow down, and take a step back, and empathize and keep your perspective… your frustration still comes out sideways, and you find yourself snapping or yelling, or otherwise responding in a way you regret. The positive part? Now you have an opportunity to model genuine remorse. Apologizing to your children shows them, 1) that you, too, are human, 2) that it’s OK to mess up sometimes, and 3) the steps to take to make it right. And when apologies are freely and honestly given, forgiveness is a natural by-product. I can’t even think of a time when I’ve apologized to my kids and they haven’t graciously and authentically forgiven me.
The concepts of positive parenting are simple. Not always EASY, but simple. I think when it comes right down to it, the answer is that your kids want what all of us want. To be heard. To be seen. Forget the behavior for a second. Forget the frustration or the anger or the annoyance, and really SEE your child for the unique and complex and multifaceted perfectly imperfect human that they are. And then act accordingly.
Originally published HERE.
Jennifer McGrail lives with her husband and four kids in Mesa, Arizona. She’s been a full-time, homeschooling parent for 21 years, and is passionate about kids, coffee, and all things crafty. You can read more of her work on her website, The Path Less Taken, and follow her on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.
