Ask your child, “what do you need right now?” Encourage your child to ASK for what they need and use words to communicate their feelings rather than screaming, hitting, tantrumming, stomping out of the room or slamming the door.
Maybe your child is hungry and needs a snack. Maybe he needs a break. Maybe she needs some attention from you (undivided attention).
Maybe he needs to run around and burn off some energy. Maybe she needs to step away and have some downtime.
By getting curious, not furious, you’re not only proactively searching for the root issue, but you’re not taking their actions personally. This leads to a reduced chance in angry reactions to their bad behaviour, and instead puts you on the offense.
Let me say it again – “get curious, not furious.” Look beneath the behaviour to their needs and help your child get their needs met.
Then later, when their big emotions have calmed down a bit, talk about a new way to ask for what they need when they find themselves in a similar situation next time.
Here are a few questions you can try out: What did you need in the moment that you weren’t getting? How can your need be solved next time? What can Mum and Dad do to help you meet your needs? What are some creative ways you can think of to get your need met in the future? By doing this, you’re allowing both of you to reflect on the problem and together work toward a plan of action in the future that revolves around honest expression of the situation at hand.
This is an extract from Lisa Smith’s guide to Peaceful Parenting During Uncertain Times
Lisa Smith is a Mum and Parent Coach who knows the joy of transformation, but really, she helps turn frustrated parents – who regularly default to yelling, threatening and punishing – into peaceful leaders within their households. As a former dominant parent, she found the path to Peaceful Parenting and is dedicated to helping other parents find their way too!
When she’s not coaching, you’ll most likely find her at a basketball game rooting on her son or travelling somewhere new. She is obsessed with cross-fit, personal development and romance novels. You’ll almost always find her with a Starbucks iced green tea in her hand.
