Now it’s a curve of change as hormones slowly start to ease out the young boy and prepare him and me for the new journey ahead.
There are times my heart does truly ache and I know that grieving is a part of the process and will help me in letting go. The dear little child that looked to me for everything is now developing and looking out a little more each day.
I allow myself my tears and allow myself the memories of all those precious times.
The amazing times of deep connection and the times when I had to batten down the hatches and make some serious changes that would clear both our paths, as no one should ever have their wings clipped by a system, society or other people..
As we both stand on this threshold, I look back and look at the start of this new path, a place where there is that space for more and more women to step forth and for mothers to support and guide, but to allow my son to step out on his own journey.
I know I will let him grow and go, as I lived the life of being cocooned by a dear mum who loved me but could not let go.
I remember and honour the babe in arms that linked to my breast and heart so deeply that it changed my world. I remember the toddler who would have arms reaching out for me to pick him up. The little boy who looked to me for reassurance as he explored the world around a little more. The child who I know would have been swallowed in the school system, so I found the independent school for him.
The young lad who has shown time and again how centred he is in his own core and character that he can think so deeply about things and has such an understanding of life BECAUSE he knows himself.
So many people doubted how I parented. I baby-led weaned, full-term breastfed, attachment parented, co-slept. I never let him cry himself to sleep. I put the hours in. I became self-employed and worked around him.
I learnt how to make those decisions, the ones that being a single parent mean you have to.
With no partner to support, or be a sounding board, it was me, so I drew on strengths I never knew I had.
Now at 48, I am letting go of the big family I was adamant I would have. Was it easy? NO.
I needed to grieve. I so wanted a sibling to be raised the same as my son, to be there for him when I leave this earth, but that’s something I can no longer provide.
With time flying by, my body has aged too and perimenopause is making an entrance into my life.
So it’s ‘goodbyes’ and ‘hellos’, it’s remembering, allowing and making space. It’s a sacred journey being a parent, of holding hearts and hands and then letting go so they can live their own lives.
Many blessings one and all.
Sally Saint is a mother to an amazing 10-year-old son, a woman, healer, artist and walker of this path of life. She is passionate about natural parenting as it is in line with parenting from the heart. Her life has given her many experiences and she wishes to share and support others on this path. Check out her website.
