When things weren’t moving in the direction they were supposed to, I was asked to go to the Emergency Department at the local hospital where they would “deal with my situation”. When I presented at the hospital, I waited with all the other sick people. They finally ushered me into the treatment bays, where I had to explain my situation over and over to the stream of doctors who were on duty. Behind the thin curtains, I had to explain that I had a baby inside of me that no longer had a heartbeat and would not exit my body. I was laying next to people who were in various stages of illness, thinking to myself, I’m not sick! I’m having a miscarriage.
It was one of the most humiliating experiences of my life.
Not even the medical profession knows how to treat someone who is having a miscarriage. So how are we supposed to trust our deepest darkest secrets with the outside world?
For those of you who have lost a baby or have suffered a miscarriage. You are not alone. You did nothing wrong. And you have nothing to be ashamed of.
If you know someone who has suffered a miscarriage and aren’t quite sure what to say, here are some tips for you:
Do NOT say any of these things – At least it wasn’t a real baby; lucky it happened now and not down the track; it was god’s will; at least you know you can fall pregnant now; just stay busy; you need to move on……or nothing. None of those statements are helpful.
DO say – I am so sorry; this is not your fault; it’s ok to be sad/angry; I’m thinking of you and sending you love; I am always here for you if you need me; take as much time as you need; how can I support you?
And lastly, if someone you know has lost a child, don’t be afraid to mention them because you think it will remind them and make them sad.
For anyone who has lost a child, they do not forget. And they do not want to forget. They want to remember. They want you to speak their child’s name. Because what hurts more than losing a child, is the thought that the world will forget them.
Today I am remembering my own losses and those of my fellow warriors around the world.
Jennifer Robertson is a fertility coach and has helped women all over the world transform their mindset and take back control of their life in the midst of infertility.
She is also author of the book, The Injustice of Infertility, a true account of her own seven-year fertility journey. Her story will have you sitting on the edge of your seat – you will cry, you will laugh. You will nod your head in vehement agreement. Your heart will break and your faith in humanity will be restored. You will be inspired and gain back a little hope. This book is for all the warriors who think they’re in this alone. You’re not.
Jen is now using the lessons she learned along the way to develop programs and support those who are still struggling to conceive. She uses her experience and voice to raise awareness for a disease that affected her personally and continues to touch so many others around the world.
You can follow Jennifer on Instagram @msjenniferrobertson or via her website www.jenniferrobertson.co.
