By Hannah Mearns
I think I used to be a bit of a control freak. I’m not so sure now.
I approached motherhood a bit like I’d approached everything before. I did some research, listened to other people’s advice and stories, consulted some experts where I needed to. But then I got a Zoe. A Zoe that hated her pram from the start, hated to lie down flat, had reflux, couldn’t stomach formula, didn’t sleep for more than 7 hours until she was 15 months old (actually, 3 hours was considered a good stint) but smiled so beautifully as soon as she could, walked early, eats anything, never complains and grabs my hand to pull me away from doing the dishes or cooking when she wants to play.
And this little girl threw everything I knew and relied on into disarray. And I had no idea what to do. No idea at all. I read everything I could find about what could help, I asked anyone who would listen and most of all, I spent the first few months of her life feeling anxious that I wasn’t doing this motherhood thing right; that I was getting it all wrong and that it would make a lasting impression on her. In the end I had to implement a Google ban.
Little did I know that this was the most normal thing in the world. That I could relax and we could get to know each other. That the shared understanding of what was going on would build and she would be able to let me know in her own way if something was wrong. That I could trust my instincts.
Weirdly, considering that most of us don’t get to practice being a mother, we think we should have it all down straight away…
I learnt it was easier to not control everything. Sure, my life wasn’t convenient or routine in any way and that caused its own problems. But I was driving myself mad trying to make plans and wasting valuable energy too.
Weirdly, considering that most of us don’t get to practice being a mother, we think we should have it all down straight away – sleep, feeding, discipline, working, getting slim again – all underpinned by a good birth experience so we can bounce back quickly.