So we keep the walls up. We push on. And we pretend that a little part of us didn’t die with our unborn baby.
We justify it in our heads by saying that it wasn’t really a baby. But in our hearts, we know it was. We were already picking out names and talking to them while rubbing our belly.
To the woman who is currently, who has previously, or who will in the future have a miscarriage, I see you. I hear you. I feel you.
Firstly, your grief is real. Don’t ever let anyone tell you or make you feel that your pain is not valid.
Secondly, this is not your fault. You did nothing to deserve this – it is not your way of being punished for past mistakes. You did nothing wrong.
Thirdly, you’re not alone. There is a community of people who know exactly how you feel. And you don’t have to travel this path by yourself.
So what should you do to move through this period when life is going on regardless?
Talking about it definitely helps. If you don’t feel comfortable talking with someone, I would highly recommend writing in a journal. It is so much easier to grieve and sort through your emotions if you download them from inside your head.
Lean on people – if you need help, ask for it. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, despite what our subconscious tells us. If you need some space from your children, that’s OK too. Ask your partner, your parents or a friend to take them for the weekend.
If your children are old enough, explain what is happening in terms they can understand. Don’t be afraid to cry in front of them and let them know you’re sad.
Being open about our emotions and showing our children that we aren’t always strong and that there is nothing wrong with being vulnerable is such a powerful lesson in itself.
Allow yourself the time and space to process this. Because the pain doesn’t go away by distracting yourself. If you don’t deal with it now, it will follow you and may even have an effect on your ability to fall pregnant again. Because grief can be heavy, and you don’t want to be carrying that load forever.
And from my experience, life does go on. You will move through this. And while the scars will remain, the sun will come out again tomorrow.
Sending you all the love.
Jennifer Robertson is a fertility mentor and coach.
She supports women who are struggling to conceive to reclaim their life by teaching them ways to not only survive the fertility rollercoaster but come out stronger and more empowered at the end.
Check out Jennifer’s website and join her Facebook and Instagram communities.
