Food
- Eating is entirely about Leila’s own healthy relationship with her tummy, and she is the only one who knows best when she’s full or not.
- Eating is not a performance nor a competition, and she can achieve this healthy attitude only when she is not being manipulated around food, i.e. cheered on to finish or have another bite, promised dessert if she finishes, etc.
- She does not need to finish everything that’s on her plate.
- We have never spoon-fed Leila, nor prepared special baby food for her. She started exploring the food that we eat with her fingers, and she is free to play and master the art of using the utensils at her own pace.
- While we realise we cannot control everything she eats, especially when she is older or she’s not at home, we prefer her diet to be free from processed sugar, gluten, fizzy drinks, and all unnecessary additives.
- We respect her likes and dislikes in food in the same way that we don’t insist that other guests in our house eat something they don’t like.
- There are days when Leila eats very little or not at all (especially, if she feels unwell), and that is perfectly fine.
Play Time
- Playing is the key way in which babies and children learn, therefore, we treat it with utmost respect.
- All kids need space and time for uninterrupted play, therefore, if Leila looks engrossed in some project or lost in her thoughts, we treat it with the same respect and seriousness as seeing an adult who is trying to concentrate (no distractions or questions). She indicates with eye contact or physical interaction when she invites us to be part of her play.
- We also try to be mindful not to solve her problems while she’s playing even though it’s tempting. Babies need space and time to test their hypotheses, make effort and discover. We rob them of these learning opportunities when we interrupt “to help”.
- Play should not be corrected or influenced by adult agenda, as kids often use it as self therapy and work through events and difficult issues.
- Books can be read in any order or from any direction – even upside down!
- She’ll have plenty of space and time in life to play with laptops and iPads or watch TV. It’s not while she is still a baby.
Emotions
- Emotions are an integral part of our being and act as an important compass in our thinking and decision making, therefore, there are no “good” or “bad” emotions.
- We welcome them and support her through them all without trying to shush her, distract her or reprimand her.
- We do not mock or imitate her feelings or tell her not to get angry/upset/scared, etc. All these emotions are healthy when they are not suppressed, and we will be present as she learns her own way to express them.
Discipline
- We do not believe in any physical punishment, no matter how small, as this breaks the trust in any relationship and is abusive. Multiple research studies show that spanking creates more problematic behaviour in the long run, and babies who get their hands smacked are poorer learners and explorers.
- We do not use shame, guilt, manipulations, lying, bribes, threats, rewards or punishments with Leila or any other member of our family.
Gifts
- We are very grateful for the abundance of everything that we already have, and value more everyone’s company and time shared together.
- We do not see birthdays and Christmas as an opportunity to drown children in presents. If you would still like to give something to Leila, please respect the following:
- Less is more. One small quality present is better than many.
- Books make wonderful presents. Especially, if they tell great stories about brave girls and have beautiful illustrations.
- We buy few clothes in general and like to support sustainable organic brands (which means less pesticides and chemicals, and less harmful practices like child labour).
- The most educational toys are not the ones that have the most batteries or beep the loudest but those that foster imagination and open-ended play.
- Natural materials (wood, cloth) are better for the environment and our health than plastics.
- Oh, and yes. While we believe in the Christmas spirit of giving and sharing, we will not be telling Leila that the presents came from some stranger with his reindeer roaming our home at night. To us it feels inauthentic to insist on convincing her of this. We would rather invest the same imagination in teaching her that there is no shortage of magic in her own mind, body and the world around her.
Well – what do you think about all of this? Crazy? Perhaps. But maybe it can also be an invitation to have one of those deep conversations about the role of parents and the magic of childhood.
Asta Rudzinskaite is a mom and blogger from Lithuania, now living in Spain with her husband and daughter. Before the birth of her daughter, she studied and worked in the field of international development, but has since been promoted to being a full-time mom. She shares her reflections on gentle parenting and life with a touch of magic in her blog Wildish Wonder, Facebook page and Instagram.
